Page 388 - Some Dance to Remember

358 Jack Fritscher

was up. He figured he knew what it was. Neither of them had mentioned
Logan all day.
Inside the door of the Victorian, Ryan stood square in front of Kick.
“Tell me again what you told me last night,” he said. “Tell me we’re lovers.
Tell me I’m your lover. Tell me you’re my lover.”
Kick looked relieved. All Ryan wanted was stroking.
“Of course we’re lovers,” he said.
In his own qualified southern way, he meant it.
“I want you to say it. I want to hear you say it. I want you to say, ‘Ryan
Steven O’Hara, you are my lover.’”
Kick looked him straight in the eye. “Ryan...Steven...O’Hara.” His
slight drawl was almost ceremonial. “You are my lover. I am your lover.”
Ryan embraced Kick for dear life. “I love you more than you’ll ever
know,” Ryan said. “Don’t ever hate me.”
“How could I hate you? No one’s ever treated me better.”
Ryan led him into the living room. “I need to talk to you,” he said.
“Okay, Ry. Lighten up. Don’t make it sound so serious. You’ve always
talked to me.”
“This time I want us to really talk.”
“Is this a test?” Kick asked. He sat down on the couch, prepared to
right Ryan’s delicate balance, even if it meant explaining Logan one more
time.
Ryan took the chair opposite him. “Remember the day of the Castro
Street Fair when you said you couldn’t always be the bodybuilder? And I
said you didn’t have to be anything but yourself with me? Did you believe
me?”
“Yes.”
“Everybody knows how beautiful you look. I know how beautiful
you are.”
Ryan was afraid Kick might speak. He raised the palm of his hand
flat against Kick, almost supremely, to stop in the name of love. If Ryan
were interrupted, he might never speak his piece.
“You coached me out of my great depression. You aired my blues.
You made me happy. You said you weren’t responsible for anybody’s hap-
piness but your own. You said all of us are responsible for our own happi-
ness. And you’re right. But we’re also responsible for not making anyone
unhappy either.”
“I know these past few months with Logan I’ve...”
“Please,” Ryan said. “It’s not Logan. It’s something else. If you stop
me, I’ll never finish. Once we promised to take muscle as far as it would

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