Page 57 - Some Dance to Remember

Some Dance to Remember 27

Ryan had waited his whole life for this night. In long ago summers in
the Midwest, riding in the backseat of his family’s car, he had watched men
not even knowing why he watched how they moved, looked, groomed,
and carried themselves. His whole boyhood had been an indescribable
ache for what he had not then known, other than the sight of some man
made him say to himself: “I want to be like him when I grow up.” The
thought of touching such men never crossed his mind; the thought of
making love to such men never entered his head; the possibility of han-
dling an athletes’ body, stroking his rock-hard muscles, breathing in the
sweet sweat scent of his hair lay in the vague unseen distance for him like
a far rainbow’s end.
He ached for the roar of the crowd and the smell of the Coppertone.
Flying back from El Lay, Ryan tried to capture something beyond
words. He wrote on the only paper available. I transcribe these essential
words here from the back, no kidding, of unused PSA airsick bags. I
found them stuffed in the back of his Journal. There’s an innocence here
like Love: Round 1.

10

Pacific Southwest Airline. Seat 5A. Window
8 PM Sunday, August 21, 1977
PSA Fit 101: HOLLYWOOD/BURBANK TO SFO

Kick’s red Corvette pulled into Dan’s drive. Dan met him at
the door. Kick entered. He was better than any man I had ever
seen. And I’ve seen stunners. His face alone, his body yet unseen,
was perfect. Desire filled me. Everything I ever wanted to do with
a man, to a man, or have a man do with or to me, flushed through
my body. My eyes, and I’m not lying to exaggerate, came, look-
ing at him. Never have I ever seen anyone who looked so noble,
handsome, classic. The light in his blue eyes showed something
more sensitive than I could ever have hoped for in a man of such
physical beauty. He had no vanity. No Attitude. He was what he
was. He simply walked into the room and controlled the furni-
ture, the radio, the breeze from the windows, everything, with
his Command Presence.
I shook his hand and sat down, knocked out by his beauty,
afraid I might turn him off by being taller. He and Dan stood
in the center of the room and talked. I sat silent. Speechless. He

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