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Dead as a dinosaur
In the Golden Age, the air was clean, there were
no traffic jams, and beef was available in plenty
ow many of you have seen
those commercials where
10yearold ‘adults’ peddle
Hlife insurance? Or TV ads
where suitclad fake adult males with
stuckon moustaches and sariclad
fake adult females hawk everything
from mutual funds to ecommerce? GETTY IMAGES/ ISTOCK
And having seen them, how many of
you puked on the spot? I do, all the
time.
I personally don’t believe in hell or
heaven. But if I did, I would petition
for a special place in hell for parents physically small, their egos were 56
who let their children act as fake adults times the size of the largest dinosaurs.
in ads. I avoid watching TV precisely to They believed they were the masters of
protect myself from inadvertent visual all they surveyed, and that all the
Sharp business contact with ads, which tend to have a plants and all the animals, including
(Clockwise from hyperinflationary effect on my BP. But cabinet ministers, cops, judges, and
left) Karachi Bakery I do have an idiot box at home. As my journalists, were expressly created by
in Hyderabad; the father says, which idiot doesn’t? But god to serve their bidding. They
famous box; and it’s a ‘smart’ idiot box that has neither destroyed every institution that had
Manoj Ramnani, cable nor DTH — only YouTube. And been lovingly and painstakingly built
grandson of you can’t avoid ads on YouTube. by Mother Nature over millennia. They
founder Khanchand Imagine you’re living in a either killed and displaced minority
Ramnani. K.V.S. GIRI dictatorship of dinosaurs. Your species, or locked them up in
supreme leader is a dinosaur, and your concentration camps. Vital institutions
#70929
government is of the dinosaur, for the such as lakes, rivers, mountains,
dinosaur, and by the dinosaur. What forests, and air met the same fate as
would TV be like in such a country? My the CBI, ED, RBI, CAG, EC, UGC, Rajya
home is that country. The ‘smart TV’ is Sabha, and so on. The earth’s
used exclusively to play dinosaur constitution suffered the same
videos for Kattabomman, who, at the atrocities that the Indian Constitution
ripe old age of 2.8 years, has already would suffer many millennia later.
realised that civilisation on planet And now Mother Nature is seeking
earth will never again scale the heights revenge. She is planning an epic
it did during the Jurassic Age. surgical strike on humanity in the form
Those were the good old Acche Din! of climate change. What has been
There was, of course, the terrifying humanity’s response? To put a glass
COOKIE TRAIL bakery from where the goodies are they launched that too, says Ramnani. Tyrannosaurus Rex, but there was also wall between itself and the world. This
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC made and dispatched across the city “When I started we had just one the gentle Diplodocus, and the graceful wall screens out what we don’t want to
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and the country. Ramnani is sitting shutter. Now the whole floor belongs to pterodactyls. Most importantly, see, which is why its called a ‘screen’.
Nuttier than a fruitcake of varieties of bread, biscuits and cakes per kilo. Now, the same biscuits cost in the food chain. During the Dinosaur laptop, iPad — but the most popular is
us. We used to sell loose biscuits for ₹2
inside his office when we meet. Dozens
This screen takes many forms — TV,
humans occupied their rightful place
are being baked, packed and
₹240 per kilo,” says M.A. Gaffar, one of
Era, the wouldbe humans were still
the cell phone screen. What comes
the oldest employees here. “It was
inventoried. Lekhraj Ramani appears a
through the screen is a magnetic force
wannabeprimates. In the evolutionary
bit surprised. “It's strange,” he says.
separate Telangana, when I got this job.
“We’ve never had problems with the 1968, the height of the agitation for a ladder, they had only reached a level that deactivates the critical faculties of
slightly above cockroaches but below
the brain and keeps the human beings
‘This is strange. We’ve never had problems with the name before,’ say the owners of Karachi Bakery name before.” Karachi Bakery was the I grabbed it,” says Gaffar, who bandicoots. Had I been god, I would suspended like plankton in a sea of
remembers Khanchand as a hard
name his father gave the company
disinformation and noninformation
have capped their evolution right
when it was started in 1953. “He had working, handson man who knew there. But I didn’t exist back then, and masquerading as ‘content’. Of course,
A SERISH NANISETTI be changed. “It should read Indian just come from Karachi, it was close to every aspect of baking. A humans ended up evolving to a level the origin of both disinformation and
“It should read Karachi Bakery,” declared Srinivas, his heart. The Karachi he referred to The trait, it seems, is being carried For 170 million beyond their moral competence. noninformation is advertising, and
warm finger of aroma reaches who identified himself as a worker was the one before Partition.” forward by the family. Manoj talks years when the Today, they have become the biggest what is advertising but the progenitor
Indian Karachi
out and pulls me into a bakery from the Bharatiya Janata Party. It was sharp business sense that about their newest creation, a millet threat to planetary wellbeing that of fake news, created from ‘facts’ and
Bakery,” care of the
in Hyderabad’s upscale Lekhraj Ramnani, one of the owners, changed the fortunes of Karachi Bakery and almond cookie. “It is tailormade planetary wellbeing has ever faced. ‘authorities’ that have been paid for?
declared a ABanjara Hills. I am at one of was unfazed. He offered them sweets in the 60s. At a time when most for healthconscious people. I didn’t planet was in For about 170 million years, when However, one domain that has
protester. the two dozen outlets that the famous from the bakery. They responded with bakeries in Hyderabad sold bread, study catering or baking. Whatever I the hands of the care and maintenance of the planet remained somewhat immune to
Owner Lekhraj Karachi Bakery has across the city. For smiles, raised a few slogans, posed for naan, shermal and Osmani biscuits, know I learnt from my grandfather and majestic was in the hands of majestic dinosaur commoditised fakery is the imaginative
Ramnani visitors flying out from the shiny photographs, and left. Khanchand Ramnani launched his my family.” dinosaur kings, kings, all the world’s species enjoyed world inside a child’s head. Which is
Plugging into
How Karachi Bakery became a part
offered them Hyderabad Airport, carrying back the of Hyderabad’s identity is the stuff of famous special the health rage all the world’s peace, prosperity, and consistently why it’s revolting to have a child
fruit biscuit.
high GDP growth. The air was clean,
yellow box with the pink and blue logo
dressed as a fake adult giving fake adult
sweets. They and the quirky tagline ‘Hyderabad lore. It was established by Lekhraj’s Decades later, the was the next smart species enjoyed there were no traffic jams, and beef reasoning to convince another fake
smiled, posed world famous’ is de rigueur. To a father Khanchand Jeomal Ramnani, tuttifrutti cookies move: From consistently was available in plenty. This was the adult about the fake merits of a fake
for photos, Hyderabadi, the buttery, crumbly who migrated from Karachi to are still a rage and oatmeal atta to high GDP Golden Age, or the Satya Yuga that our financial product. It’s like watching
and left square biscuits with bits of fruit tastes Rajasthan to Hyderabad just one year can be bought multigrain, growth Puranas talk about. And then, one chicken convince another chicken
especially like home. before Partition. “As a young man, he online as well as Karachi Bakery demonetisation happened that the best place to hang out with
Then, a few days ago, trouble began first started a coal depot in Hyderabad off the shelf in has it all. Any to dinosaurs, and humans other chickens is KFC. That is
to brew. A few lumpen elements called Karachi Coal, and later started most malls across other secret? took over. distasteful. So, excuse my strong
reached the bakery's Bengaluru outlet, the bakery. And it took off,” says Manoj the country. Then, “Quality,” says Though the humans feelings on this subject. At least my
demanding that the word ‘Karachi’ be Ramnani, Khanchand’s grandson. when customers Lekhraj. “Once were (and continue to be) outrage is not fake.
removed. In Hyderabad, a crowd In a bylane near the outlet in wanted eggless you slip, it is hard
descended and insisted that the name Moazzam Jahi Market is the central bakery products, to climb back up.” G. Sampath is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.
