Page 7 - December 2018
P. 7
Don’t Drink and Drive Get Home Safe,
Call a Cab or a Friend!
The Night Before Christmas
Aviation Style
By Unknown
Did You Know
'Twas the night before Christmas, and out on the
The Christmas Bullet with unsupported wings intended
ramp,
to flap like a bird’s is widely considered the worst
Not an airplane was stirring, not even a Champ.
aircraft design in history according to the US
The aircraft were fastened to tie downs with care,
Government.
In hopes that -- come morning -- they all would be
The Christmas Bullet. Designed by Dr William Whitney there.
Christmas, who was described by one aviation historian
The fuel trucks were nestled, all snug in their spots,
as the "greatest charlatan to ever see his name associated
With gusts from two-forty at 39 knots.
with an airplane", this ”revolutionary” prototype biplane
I slumped at the fuel desk, now finally caught up,
fighter had no struts supporting the wings; instead, they
And settled down comfortably, resting my butt.
were supposed to flap like a bird’s. Both prototypes were
destroyed during their first flights – basically, because
When the radio lit up with noise and with chatter,
Christmas's "breakthrough" design was so incapable of
I turned up the scanner to see what was the matter.
flight that the wings would twist off the airframe at the
A voice clearly heard over static and snow,
first opportunity.
Called for clearance to land at the airport below.
He barked his transmission so lively and quick,
I'd have sworn that the call sign he used was "St.
Nick."
“There is an art to flying. The knack lies in learning how
I ran to the panel to turn up the lights,
to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” — Douglas
Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. The better to welcome this magical flight.
He called his position, no room for denial,
"St. Nicholas One, turnin' left onto final."
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Rutan-built sleigh, with eight Rotax Reindeer!
With vectors to final, down the glideslope he came,
As he passed all fixes, he called them by name:
"Now Ringo! Now Tolga! Now Trini and Bacun!
On Comet! On Cupid!" What pills was he takin'?
