Page 339 - The model orator, or, Young folks' speaker : containing the choicest recitations and readings from the best authors for schools, public entertainments, social gatherings, Sunday schools, etc. : including recitals in prose and verse ...

HUMOROUS iiEADINOb.

f knew all $hc news and I tell it to you—*
Frauds, forgeries, murders, and politics, ton;
Ball matches and accidents, weather reports,
And naughty flirtations summer resorts,

Mrs. Snooks made a call, *nd the rich Mrs, Scroggs
Gave a party and didn't invite Mrs. N oggs;
Two dogs had a fightf and th^ Smiths had a row—
I have printed it all, and the worid knows it now.

I print the price-lists of the marker in stocks,
Long columns of gossip and very stale jo k es;
Queer stories of tadpoles and spiders and leeches,
Quack remedies, lost curs, and Congressmen's speeches.

One man is just crazy to try matrimony,
Provided the widow has plenty of money ;
Another's so lonely he must advertise,
For a lovely brunette with bewitching black tyes.

1 tell what is wanted, and where you may look
For a trim dancing master, a nursemaid or cookv
A repairer of bric-a-brac, shoes and old clothes,
Or a gentcd professor of corns and sore toes.
But these common achievements ’tis time to dismiss,
For my type has a purpose far higher than this ;
I create the opinion that rules cv'ry nation,
And grandly lead onward ah civilization.

Old Vulcan, the blacksmith, grim, sooty and dire,
Forged hot thunderbolts with his anvil and fire,
And the bolts from Olympus like lightning were hurled
By Jupiter Tonans, the king of the world.

When my forces were forged into being and birth,
I received for my kingdom the realms of the earth,