Page 520 - The model orator, or, Young folks' speaker : containing the choicest recitations and readings from the best authors for schools, public entertainments, social gatherings, Sunday schools, etc. : including recitals in prose and verse ...

Tincture.— Av, that’s it, I was, as you may be aware, bred
a physician. My father, agent for the sale of Plantation Bitters, gave
me a diploma, it hangs framed over my mantel-piece. You may see
it, any of you, without charge. No sooner had T settled down in the
flourishing village of Onward, no sooner had I begun to physic and
bleed the enterprising inhabitants, than a young woman calling herself
ei doctress— ha. ha ! a doctress— made her appearance.
D it t o .— Shame! Shame! Humbug, thy name is— woman!
B odkins.— T here it is again ! W oman ! Always woman !
Moral* .■— 1 tell you, it’s no use. We've got to come to it. We
may as well be resigned, and put our noses peaceably down to the

grindstone.
D itto.— Never! Never! No, by Saint Bride of Bothwell, no!
False Douglas, thou hast lied,
M o f f k.— You'll see, sir— you’ll see. Gentlemen. I can relate a still
more exasperating case. The humble individual who addresses you
studied for the ministry, 1 was a candidate to fill the pulpit in that
same village of Onward. I had the reputation of being the most
depressing preacher ever heard in those parts.
D itto,'— Not poppy, nor mandragora, nor all the drowsy sirups oi
the East— „ Go on, sir; I was only musing aloud.
Moi*t:RL— Everything looked encouraging. On one occasion, after
I had preached, not a man, woman or child of the congregation was
seen to smile for a week. Everything, I say, looked encouraging,
when, all at once— ■
D itto,— When all at once there appeared a woman !
M’otkk.— Y ou are right, sir; there appeared a woman. Will you
believe it? The infatuated people of Onward have settled her over
their first religious society. A woman !
D i t t o ,— A female woman ! Be ready, gods, with all your thunder­
bolts ! Dash her in pieces ! Must we endure all this ?

B odkins.— W hy, sir, in a degenerate city of degenerate New E n g­
land, the city of W orcester—
D itto.— Three groans for Worcester.