Page 80 - Total War on PTSD

and was ‘officially’ dubbed a Seabee. That particular assignment meant more to me that any other in my almost 15 years of service — and it was by far the most difficult.
After I returned home things remained difficult. I was numb. Numb to my emotions, feelings, and avoiding any unnecessary friendships because, if I didn’t, I would become more of a ‘target’ than I already felt I was. It’s like I didn’t, and sometimes still don’t, feel much of anything except frustration and anger. Knowing one less person meant less responsibility, less possibility of being hurt or rejected, and less effort — which was already hard to come by.
For whatever reason, I ended up having to do Weapons and Rollover Training halfway through my deployment to Afghanistan. This is especially important for people who are going off-base, but it was also a tic-mark on someone’s to-do list, and I should have gotten the training much sooner. I ended up having to do it on my own because I was a later than usual addition to the Regiment. I had the distinct please of hanging upside-down and, attempting to free myself from my restraints. Making things that much more difficult, but also more realistic I had on my full battle rattle, including a vest that was way too large for me (they didn’t have anything small enough for me in the supply arsenal) and a helmet that wouldn’t stay snug on my head no matter how tight I tried to cinch it down (small head...I blame genetics I guess). So, helmet practically hanging from my chin by its straps, I tried to get the attention of someone, anyone, who might be able or willing to help me out with my predicament...with no luck. I was also trying to be nice by not choosing to release myself and falling on top of someone. Guess it doesn’t pay to be nice. I should have just said screw it and done just that!
They all evacuated the vehicle as soon as each of them were free...none of them helping each other at all. I think if I had a couple Seabees with me they might have acted differently. So
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