Page 12 - TWOPTSD

this together with the help of the pages of expert insights that I have accumulated over the last two years.
Where once, when drinking or occasional drugs may have filled the gaps, or rather numbed the senses in between work and family life, there is now an opening that needs to be filled...an opening where jarring thoughts about combat seep in...seeing a rocket go right overhead and hit the building right next to you...experiencing military sexual trauma or even rape...crawling through holes as a tunnel rat with no flashlight...climbing into a crashed plane to realize you are removing the body of a fallen friend...parachuting in darkness and then watching your plane go down into German territory; all of this can all come flooding back and overwhelm your senses, your mind and your body.
I felt betrayed...just like I felt betrayed when the Navy, my friends and coworkers who I felt just ‘weren't there’ for me when I started experiencing worsening PTSD issues after my return from Afghanistan. I felt betrayed because no one ever told me what had happened to me at that time, after I was brought back from the dead. I experienced Traumatic Brain Injuries caused not by the concussive efforts of Improvised Explosive Devices but rather by Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) sessions that came about from a Navy doctor's hands while I was still in the Navy. I coded during an ECT session and had to be resuscitated with a crash cart. My heart literally stopped beating. The worst part of it all was that I was not informed of what happened, and that I only found out about it later (a year later) when my attorney was reviewing my military medical records. Because of all this I will deal with brain lesions, and trust related issues, for the rest of my life.
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