Page 156 - Total War on PTSD

“Industrial hemp is a very useful plant. I challenged the attorney general to get rid of the criminal stigma associated with hemp so we can look at it in terms of how it might be useful.” - Jesse Ventura
Courtenay: Often, when I am feeling overwhelmed with triggers or situations I can’t control, I try to isolate myself in an attempt to avoid or alleviate the way I am feeling. I prefer not to talk to anyone and I have difficulty experiencing any emotions, feeling more alone as a result. I feel my ears burn when my blood pressure goes up...when I get angry or frustrated with myself or others...which can burn on a pretty short fuse.
At these times I am also hard on myself because of various reasons including short and long- term memory issues, having a high startle reflex, having a lot of trouble concentrating, and even lying awake and feeling angry in the middle of the night with no idea why I’m up.
Early on I felt like I could deal with, and talk to others but as my frustration grew so did my tendency for isolation, getting to the point where I let others do the talking and I fill the role of silent observer.
I felt this way quite often, and still do sometimes. Trusting others is difficult for those with PTSD. It is a loss of control. This is why it was so difficult for me to deal with being inpatient while I was still on Active Duty and pending medical retirement. Not only was my military career in ruins, but the trust that I thought I had built up in ‘my’ military was gone. I found that I couldn’t trust anyone around me...or felt I couldn’t.
This I felt was especially true after discovering that I coded after ECT treatment and wasn’t told about it until an entire year later...after I retired. How that was ‘proper medical treatment’; I haven’t the slightest idea...but I think that was a major violation of my personal trust.
I have also developed an aversion to female doctors because of the her treatment and the treatment of several other female physicians I have encountered.
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