Page 295 - Total War on PTSD

“Researchers tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?’” - Jimmy Fallon
Courtenay: I remember feeling embarrassed...and still feel that way...every time I read or hear about my fellow service members who lost a lot more than I did while in a combat zone. By lost I mean that they lost arms, legs, eyesight...things like that. I didn't lose anything from my time in Afghanistan...except I lost myself. I don't see that as a deserving 'loss' though and that is why I am embarrassed.
I don't feel like I deserve to say, "Yes, I lost me" because there are so many Veterans who lost a whole lot more and who seem to have gone on with their lives without a hitch, at least not from my perspective. I recall walking through the hallways where I worked in Afghanistan. The plywood walls were mostly vacant, but were interspersed with doors that remained open a majority of the time when I was actually at work. The thoughts of what would happen if our building was hit by a rocket attack was always present in my mind, especially since our offices were in a two-story building. I always thought that the building was more likely to be a target because of its increased visibility, being that it was a two-story building. I had to push those thoughts down deep...way in the back of my mind...to go about my daily business and take care of things in the best way I knew how. It was at night, in my 'rack', when those thoughts would resurface and keep me awake. This was especially so because there was often an increase in rocket attacks at night and I pretty much expected to be woken up (if I even was sleeping) by rocket attacks every night. Instead of even trying to sleep, some nights I would just end up reading books until dawn, or until I fell asleep...whichever one came first.
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