Page 326 - Total War on PTSD

“I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail that I rode away convinced I’d just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long lost friend.” – W. Bruce Cameron
Courtenay: I often feel like I am on the edge of a building looking down into nothingness. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about jumping into any sort of abyss. It may not make sense, but that perception of nothingness can sometimes offer me more than the daily stress and disappointment I deal with constantly.
It is more of a mindset, a feeling. When I was inpatient at the Portsmouth Naval Hospital I felt like I was always on edge. Not only did I not want to be there, but I also never felt safe and there didn’t seem to be anyone, patient or staff, whom I could trust.
My internal paranoia got fired up on a continual basis as did my preference to be left alone; choosing to stay in my room to read or sleep or to work on a puzzle on my own when I was forced to stay in the common area.
I still zone out pretty frequently when I get overwhelmed or when I am overtired. Sometimes it happens when we are watching T.V. because I am not really into paying attention. I think this might be because there are other things I would rather be doing besides watching the television. My brain doesn’t seem to be able to concentrate on things for that long any more.
Guess it’s just something I’ll have to get used to.
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