Page 766 - Total War on PTSD

Little Rock, Arkansas. It was a quiet neighborhood where the kids could ride their bicycles and not have a worry other than whose bicycle was the fastest. My parents divorced when I was 11 and as a child, everything seemed to fall apart.
In 1999 my mom was told that her cancer had come back after ten years in remission. At age 14, I was not able to fully grasp what that meant. I quickly found out. Due to the strength of the chemotherapy, I was now responsible for most of the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and household responsibilities. I became very angry and resentful towards my Mom because of the illness. I wanted to be the average teenager and have fun with friends. Sometimes selfishness can cause devastation. Four days after my 17th birthday I was awakened in the middle of the night by my Dad. We all rode silently to the hospital not knowing what was wrong. I had a hunch but kept throwing it out of my mind. Why else would we be called to the hospital at that time of night? We were met by family members who told us the news that our Mom had passed. Words cannot describe the feeling that I had at that moment. I ran into the hospital room where she was laying, grabbed her and started yelling for her to wake up. Something still haunts me to this day. The previous night of visiting her, I didn't tell her goodbye or that I loved her because of my anger. I cannot remember much after that during my remaining time in High School. Actually, I am fibbing. I do not want to remember much during my remaining time in High School. There are some things that I cannot even tell my counselor. At least not yet. Due to her death, I was recently diagnosed with Chronic Trauma which is considered the worst kind of trauma to have. That trauma will never leave because it happened during developmental years.
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