Page 773 - Total War on PTSD

only safety on my pistol is simple...don't pull the trigger. I had calmed down holding the pistol to my head. I knew I was ready.
As I started to tense up with the pressure, I turned the pistol away and shot the round into the wall. My husband heard the round and busted through the door. He saw me crying and holding the pistol stating, "I couldn't do it...I couldn't do it." He called 911 immediately and was talking to the operator about needing help for my safety. I gave him the pistol. I talked to the operator and was told there were a couple of deputies coming to help me. I thanked her and gave the phone back to my husband. Close to 20 minutes later, two deputies pulled into the driveway. The younger deputy was talking to me about the situation and her repeatedly told me I wasn't in trouble. He was going to make sure I got the help I needed. I felt like I was going to be fine and could make the changes I needed to in order to find who I used to be. The deputy who was talking to me asked me to stand up and put my hands behind my back. I was being arrested instead of getting medical attention. I was going to jail because I needed help. The police came...and they ended up putting us both in jail because I had fired a round inside the house. I had my second night in jail arrested for Domestic Violence Menacing. The female deputy that booked me made me take all of my clothes off and stand in the shower until she said it was okay to shower. She kept the door open where a male trustee stood and stared. At a time when I was ready to end my life, I was placed in a concrete cell and seen as a criminal.
I have a PTSD diagnosis among others. Personally, I view PTSD as a weakness. The disorder takes you completely away from what you used to know and love. For example, instead of grocery shopping during “normal” hours, you wait until it's almost midnight so you don't have to
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