Page 989 - Total War on PTSD

For two days straight my unit walked through Kuwait when they were burning the oil wells, which turned 12 in the afternoon to look like it was 12 midnight. The oil was raining down on us, like regular rain and for two to three days we were covered in oil. We breathed it, we ate it; it was in absolutely everything. So yeah, can this shit get any worse?
In a positive way I know that I can handle anything that comes down the line but in a negative way I'm always hyper-vigilant no matter where I am. I am a little better now and I don't sweat the small stuff so much anymore. I would support my son joining the military as long as it wasn't the Marine Corps or the Army.
When I first got PTSD my way of 'managing' was drinking. Then all of a sudden, one day I just stopped. I couldn't deal with crowds. I had to sit with my back to a wall. I was hyper-vigilant pretty much all of the time. I had to know every exit. I had to know who I would have to beat down to get to the exit first. And I was constantly watching whomever came in the door. One night myself and my wife were at a restaurant and I sat down with my back towards this one table. Well, when I got up to go get my dinner, I happened to notice who was sitting there. When I came back and sat down and I started shaking I had to tell my wife that I had to switch seats with her. I just needed to switch seats so that I could keep an eye on him. I know that they hadn't done anything...but they were Middle Eastern...but I just couldn't handle it...I had to be able to watch them. Just the thought of having my back up against them made me really, really uncomfortable...to the point that my wife noticed how uncomfortable I was getting. I am afraid that's going to be the same for the rest of my life. In the back of my head, I know that those people didn't do anything wrong...even the children didn't do anything wrong. Even if they were American born, I still have a hard time.
I've seen Middle Eastern children with five pounds of C4 and dynamite strapped to their chests. I've seen those children walk up with a mortar round. The worst is seeing a woman with a baby in her arms, and her being strapped to an IED. It's what they'll do with their women and children
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