Page 990 - Total War on PTSD

that just gets me. I just find myself not being able to trust them at all. Now I understand what my dad feels like when he sees somebody who looks like they are Vietnamese. Granted that he was a Navy Veteran, he was a river rat. He said it was so bad because the jungle came up over the river so you couldn't tell where the water ended and the ground, and jungle began. He manned twin 50's and a 60 mm mortar tube on the boat. That's about all he would say about his service time.
I only go to the VA yearly so that I can remain in their 'system'. I stopped going when I was prescribed two medications by the VA that, if I had taken them, they would have killed me. If the medications had mixed with the other drugs I was already taking they would have shut down my kidneys.
I can no longer work due to my getting wounded in Iraq, I get seizures, had to get a kidney transplant and still need to get both of my knees replaced. I also have Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issues including memory gaps, ongoing balance related incidents, and frequent migraines. I still suffer from a lot of nightmares, and my wife often awakens me when I am kicking, yelling and screaming. I tried going to someone for help with the nightmares and they only got worse instead of better. I was tested for and diagnosed with PTSD.
One recurring, and disturbing, nightmare I have is about a real-life event that took place at two a.m. Even though we weren't looking for a Vehicle Borne Improvised Explosive Device (VBIED) event to happen, the possibility of one was always set firmly in the back of our minds; especially since we dealt with four or five VBIED attacks every few weeks. We spotted a car approaching our convoy and, as an initial protective and deterrent measure, our gunner fired a tracer round. When he got no reaction and the car continued on its path, entering the 200-yard buffer zone (a distance at which it was standard protocol to 'open up' and protect the convoy), and I gave my gunner the order and he opened up with the 50 caliber. While this ended up stopping the car in its tracks, upon investigation of the vehicle afterwards, we found that the 50 cal had missed the driver and the passengers, and hit a 10 or 11-year-old girl who had been sitting in the back seat...in the head.
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