Page 282 - Total War on PTSD

If our self-worth was secure before our accident, then it stayed secure after. We see this frequently in those who although now disabled, are still engaged in wonderful relationships, working in great careers, even conquering mountains and competing in sports events. Many others, however, suffer with healing, employment, substance abuse, and their relationships, romantic and otherwise. Where popular opinion is incorrect however, is that it is the injury that has damaged the relationship, and not that the relationship was not strong enough to cope with the injury. As I mentioned before, all we were before the injury is what we bring into the life after it. The same circumstance applies with our relationships, and the strength of our bond with our loved ones. As the late Dana Reeve, wife of the late Christopher Reeve, said to her husband after he suggested she divorce him, “Nonsense, you are still you!” My father said the same type of statement to me when I was struggling with my injury, “Did you get this far in life because of your legs, or because of your brains and personality?”
Once I have explored many of the failed relationships that have occurred after an injury, it was easy to discover many issues stressing the strength of the relationship, and a strong case could be made that the injury was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Additionally, those spouses/mates that attempt to stay and end up leaving later, have reported that they felt pushed away by the very individual they were trying to stay with. Being in that same situation myself, I have come to understand that those that are injured need to come to a level of peace with their injury, and that moment does not always come quickly. However, every moment that the patient delays in self-healing is a moment the spouse/mate feels being pushed away. Eventually, they can be pushed so far away that it becomes too far to bring them back. I have developed a set of rules that the patient can use to help maintain the relationship
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