Page 283 - Total War on PTSD

and possibly make it even stronger. As proof, I submit that my wife and I are still together, and all is well.
First, all couples whether married or not, need to perform an honest assessment of their relationship prior to making any major decisions regarding the future of the relationship. No major decisions should be made under the cloud of anger and fear. I recommend waiting three months or so. However, if the spouse/mate immediately says they will stay, the injured person needs to immediately accept that the spouse is dedicated and allow the spouse to be as active as part of the rehabilitation process as he/she is willing. The more engaged the partner is in the rehabilitation, the stronger the relationship becomes. Remember, it is easy to stand together when times are great, but it is the bonds formed during our struggles that have a more durable weave.
Secondly, realize and accept the power of support. Every successful endeavor was never accomplished alone. Every mountain climber who has reached the summit will tell you how wonderful their guide was. The person who holds the world record for reaching the top of Mount Everest is not a celebrated famous mountain climber, it is Kami Rita Sherpa — a local mountain guide. He has reached the summit 24 times, guiding other people to the top. During your rehab, that’s the kind of friend you need by your side. You know, the one you avoid when you are trying to quit smoking. The one who will hold you accountable to reaching your goals. Often, that person is the one closest to you, but having been there myself, we can be too entrenched in our own self- pity to realize it. We can’t make it too difficult or too frustrating for our mates to help us through tragedy. Not to be confused, most mates are aware of the difficulties ahead for us. What happens is our own anger, self-pity, and depression compounds the obstacles for those attempting to help us, many times to the point of breakup, then we
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