Page 998 - Total War on PTSD

When I got back the second time in 2010 I dealt with the same thing except this time I was told that I'd better change my answers or I'd be kicked out. Three or four months after that I had a complete meltdown, ending up in the hospital and everything and there it was. That was just the climate we dealt with. It's one of the many issues...and I know I'm not alone in that. I understand that it's not just me...it's all of us.
I used to feel like PTSD is a weakness in the sense that it shouldn’t be happening...that I am better than that. That, with my background and my training and the job that I do, that I should be above that. I recognize now that it’s not a weakness and that being able to deal with it and persevere through it is actually a strength...to not be broken.
What keeps me going and pushes me through the darker times is that some of my buddies that died, that aren't here; with my personal experiences it's really the fact that they paid that price and they don't get to move on, and their families don't get to move on. I make that a constant reminder on both the worst, and the best days. That it is my obligation to make the most of this life, and I've got to do it for them. More than anything else, that keeps me going. I'll remember things and times get bad...stuff with my leg amputation particularly, and I get frustrated. I remind myself that I made it through Afghanistan...the buddies...the camaraderie...those things more than anything is what keeps me motivated.
There are all those things that, after the fact, you think about reasons why you didn't do something. You always have the time to reanalyze things. I think at times that I should have fought the Medical Board harder than I did. They kind of broke me in that. I got out of the Medical Board once but the physical issues caught up with me and I fought the board again. I finally got so frustrated with everything surrounding the Board that the third time I just said to heck with it. Sometimes I wish I had just fought that harder, but again, who really knows. It's
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