Page 19 - Commack Abbey Funeral Home
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house, any of the “little” things that may Understanding Grief
be neglected while a family deals with
death. Make sure you provide a signed The death of a loved one, friend or family
card so the family knows who gave the member often puts us in touch with
gift. our own thoughts and feelings about
mortality. All of a sudden we realize how
Keep in touch - you may feel that the quickly life can end. It is normal to feel
family needs their space and time to out-of-control and overwhelmed. Realize
grieve, but a simple phone call or note you are grieving.
after the funeral lets the family know
you care. With social networking leaving The first step towards regaining a sense
a quick note is as simple as a click of a of control is to understand grief. Grief is a
mouse. The months following a death is physical, social, emotional, psychological
when grieving friends and family need and spiritual reaction to loss. It is natural,
the most support. normal and necessary. It may cause a
variety of reactions, including:
Don’t:
Bring your cell phone - your phone • Feeling tired and irritable. You may
ringing will be highly inappropriate and experience insomnia or feel tired all
will cause a disturbance, so turn any the time.
ringers or notifications off. Even better, • Appetite changes. You may or may
leave your phone at home or in your car, not feel hungry.
a funeral is not the time to be texting or • Feelings of anxiousness. You may
checking your messages. feel worried and excited at the same
time; like your heart is racing and
Allow your children to be a distraction - you cannot “catch your breath”.
from a very young age children are aware • Feelings of emptiness. You may feel
of death and if the funeral is for someone hollow inside. It may be hard to
that was close them (grandparent, aunt, concentrate or remember things.
uncle) they should be given the option to • Feeling out-of-control. You may feel
attend. However, if it is not appropriate helpless, angry or frightened.
for your child to be there and if you feel
they will cause a commotion, leave them All of these feelings are normal. Your
with a babysitter. whole world has changed. You cannot
bring the person back or change the
Be afraid to remember the good times - situation. It is natural to feel vulnerable.
funerals are obviously a time of grieving Through information, we gain a sense of
and mourning, but remembering the understanding. Through understanding,
good times helps with the healing we gain a sense of control.
process. Sharing a funny and appropriate
story is acceptable, and, in some cases Seek out information about grief, everyone
exactly what the deceased would grieves differently. Our cultural and
have wanted. religious experiences, the circumstances
of the death and our relationship with
Overindulge - if food or drink is served, the person who died influence our
do not over do it. Have a bite to eat reactions to grief. If someone dies after
before you go to the service, you do not a long illness, there may be a momentary
want to be that guy parked at the snack sense of relief that the pain is over. If a
table. If alcohol is served, limit yourself death is sudden and unexpected, shock
to one or two, do not become inebriated and a feeling of numbness may occur. If
and risk doing something inappropriate. a young person dies there is a sense that
Commack Abbey, Inc. - Page 19
