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66 | A New Light
phenomenon of. But despite all that, when he faced a test, he
forgot everything and he again burst out, unable to control himself.
Seeing that he had not yet succeeded, he began to seek a solution
in the area of Judaism and Torah. He sought advice from various
rabbis, who told him to learn such-and-such a book, go the mikveh,
and so forth. Since he had a strong will to see a change in his life,
he did everything that they advised him, in the hope that this would
bring him relief. He learned statements of our sages disparaging
anger and he heard many classes on the topic of rectifying one’s
character traits. He was surprised to see that everything that he had
learned in the books of psychology had already been written in the
literature of the sages hundreds and thousands of years earlier. He
was impressed by this ancient wisdom and learned it in depth, but
he still saw no tangible change in himself.
The Discovery
Nothing he did helped him, and he continued to fail every test and
to grow angry and explode into rage. But he continued his search
for every scrap of knowledge on the topic of anger. He was on the
verge of giving up, of thinking that he was beyond rectification and
hope, when one day he came upon a cassette recording of mine on
the topic of anger. In that recording, I said the following:
When you come to the heavenly court and they ask you why
you grew angry, you can say, “In truth, I did not want to be
angry. I learned books on this topic and I followed the advice that
I received, but when I faced a test I forgot everything and I again
lost my self-control. I was overwhelmed.”
In heaven, they will examine your claim and tell you
that you are indeed right. You were overwhelmed. Your
test was so difficult that you did not have the power to
withstand the outburst of anger that took hold of you.
Therefore, you cannot be blamed for your anger. But
they will ask you, “Why didn’t you pray about this?
Why didn’t you ask for help? You saw that you yourself
Chapter Three: | 95
is to ask Hashem to give him will: “Give us the heart and will to
fear heaven. Give us the heart and will to love Hashem. Give us the
heart and will to emerge from all cravings. Give us the heart and
will to truly serve You.” If a person does not devote time to this
every day, that is a sign that he does not want it. Then the days
and years will pass as he remains with all of his ingratitude and all
of his cravings.
The Essence of the Work
Even a person who devotes significant time every day to personal
work must know that the essence of that work is to take one topic
and invest at least a half an hour of intentions and prayers on it
every day.
I learned this fundamental principle from my own experience. I
can testify that for many years, every day I would dedicate much
more than an hour to work on myself, to engage in a personal
accounting and in personal prayers—yet I did not see tangible
changes in myself. I did see improvements, but not anything
essential, such as completely nullifying a craving or an evil trait—an
actual transformation. Only when, with Hashem’s help, I began to
dedicate a half hour every day to want only one thing did I
begin to see fundamental changes in myself. Only then did I begin
to attain achievements and change inwardly.
And I saw the same thing in my students. Although they devoted
a significant amount of time every day to personal prayers, they
nevertheless saw almost no progress. But when they began to focus
on one issue only and to pray for it every day, they saw changes
from week to week and from month to month in a way that
astonished them. They had not believed that it would be possible to
achieve such fundamental changes and gain such help from heaven
with such easy work.
As I contemplated this more, I understood that the generation of
the desert had also dedicated time to personal work and personal
prayers. Immediately after the giving of the Torah, the children
of Israel were commanded to engage in the practice of prayer.