Page 106 - WhyAsInY

Why (as in yaverbaum)
by an atomic bomb that landed in the Midwood section of Brooklyn, the school will be confident that its information is correct when it notifies your parents of your demise after finding your glowing dog tags lying in a pile of steaming ashes.
• When Richard Rothstein describes with a certain degree of excite- ment the activity of two dogs that he has observed near the school, you should listen very closely to the details instead of merely absorbing the image and failing to engage in inductive reasoning. Ultimately, the explanation will not be confusing and will be quite satisfying.
• The ink well that is located on the right side of your desk should be used only when the teacher instructs you in the art of penmanship and is not to be used as a receptacle for the purpose of dipping, and thereby decorating, the ponytail of the girl seated in front of you.
• Ifyouareleft-handed,contortyourleftarmtoformaU,sothatyou can point your pen toward your heart when you are attempting to write; in that way, you will avoid smearing blue ink all over the left cuff of your good white shirt on assembly days.
• Notwithstanding the fact that Congress has amended the Pledge of Allegiance to add the words “under God” in the middle of the phrase “one nation, indivisible,” you should be steadfast in not including those new words when called upon to stand, place your right hand over your heart, and recite the Pledge of Allegiance (whatever those words meant) each morning at the start of the school day; you should also do your best to hide that transgression from Mrs. Wissoff (and Senator McCarthy).
• You’re in violation of the Cub Scout Oath (“I promise to do my best to do my duty to God and my country, to be square, and to obey the Law of the Pack [emphasis added]”) if, in an effort to obtain the Bob-
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