Page 407 - WhyAsInY

Portrait of a (first) MarriaGe
him. Harry was not a member of our synagogue, at least at the time of Sylvia’s death, but I believe that, some months after the shiva, he added it to the other two to which he already belonged. He also made a $36,000 pledge to Temple Israel Center to name the eternal light in the chapel in which we had said Kaddish after Sylvia’s death. We were asked to sub- scribe to a portion of that pledge, 25 percent, I believe.
Just as Phyllis’s relationship with her father was a cause for concern, so too was what I came to regard as Rabbi Turetsky’s increasing interest in Phyllis and Harry. It was a very long time before I finally voiced some concerns in these areas, but to no avail. As I ultimately analyzed it, unconsciously or otherwise, Phyllis used those relationships, and her ever-increasing religiosity, to create a wedge between us. But I use the word ultimately for a reason. While I’ve hardly kept it a secret that I see Harry and Turetsky as forces in our divorce, the fact remains that, even though I was living in an atmosphere of increasing tension with Phyllis over her father and the rabbi, it was not until a long time after Sylvia’s death, perhaps one year, that divorce occurred to me as a real possibility, however slim. I thought that by being helpful to Harry and by increasing the ever-expanding role of the synagogue and, in particular, Rabbi Turetsky in our lives, I was helping Phyllis and honoring our relation- ship, pleasing her. There was much in our lives that conspired to leave me unprepared for the idea of divorce, but the relationship was strain- ing, and, after a while, I came to realize that there was a chance that the strain might not be transitory.
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