Page 5 - Atlantic Coast Lines - February 2019

Recycling team refuse to take Rubbish as

it’s not bagged Correctly! Tony Bigman - January 30th 2019

Holsworthy Mafia can exclusively different bags to choose from, and that he really should
reveal (something that everybody have put it in the Rainbow coloured bag that is used for
has known for months) that Tor- ‘special’ items. This refusal to collect the ‘rubbish’ has
ridge District Council have in- caused much annoyance and amusement among Hols-
structed all their recycling teams worthy residents.
to leave any rubbish that is not
bagged/boxed correctly. However, this lack of action on the council part, has
started a new guessing game among local people, called
As we are all aware by now T.D.C “What do you reckon this dipshit really did?”
changed their recycling pickups/ Upon hearing this the Holsworthy Mafia reached out
conditions last year. Going from to several people. The first person we spoke to was our
a weekly collection, they now collect whenever the hell town Mayor and world-famous Ali G impersonator ‘Jon-
they feel like it, at whatever time suits them. Along with ny H’. He had this to say: -
these new collection dates they also issued households
with 59 different coloured bags and 36 different sized “I is on the case innit. Mandem drive dat bad
boxes to place their recycling in. boy wiv tha mad skillz. He jus overcooked it
bruv. Booyakasha”
Households were also told that failure to comply with
these new rules would result in you being sent a very Not understanding a word our Mayor said, we then
sternly written letter, pointing out that you are a useless reached out to Torridge District Council. We informed
human being. Repeat offenders were also banished to them that there was an abandoned car and asked when
Somerset with the cider drinking hippies. it would be removed. The polite young lady on the phone
informed us that they couldn’t do anything unless the car
To start with some actual adults were unable to under- had been there 3 weeks, and that we should call the po-
stand the words that were written on a letter (clearly lice (seriously WHAT do we pay our taxes for?).
laying out their new collection dates). This resulted in
many, many, MANY angry post’s on social media saying The person who had the final say was the overlord of
how T.D.C were the new Nazi’s, and that what was the moan and groan, who simply said: -
point in people paying their taxes.
“fur-king useless”
Well one person in Holsworthy has fallen foul of the new
rules after leaving his rubbish out on Saturday night (the So, it seems that the rubbish will stay at the side of the
27th). road until the owner comes back and bags it correctly, or
someone gets fed up of it being there and carts it away
After a small mishap (he shoved it in to a wall) he placed for spares and repairs.
his rubbish on the side of the road, and then proceeded
to go home, quite happy that he had followed correct pro- The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this arti-
cedure. He fully expected his rubbish (a black ford focus) cle because we really can’t be arsed!
to be collected the next day (Sunday) and to never have to
worry about it again. However, it turns out that the own- We are indebted to the Holsworthy Mafia who granted us
er had not correctly bagged his car in the appropriate re- permission to reproduce this article.
cycling container, and as of today (Wednesday the 30th) We have modified a few words we thank the Holsworthy
the rubbish is still sat by the side of the road. Because Mafia for their continued support. For more news and
the car was not in the correct coloured bag, the recycling views please follow the Holsworthy Mafia via their web
team refused to pick it up, stating that there are only 657 page and Facebook page.