Page 25 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - March 2012

So You Think You’ve Seen a UFO So You Think You’ve Seen A UFO by Molly D. Staff Writer Everybody loves a good UFO story.What’s not to love? Strange moving lights in the sky, alien abductions, cow dissections, and of course, those famous probings of the human anatomy that aliens just can’t seem to get enough of. Besides, even former President Jimmy Carter has filed a UFO report (in 1973 - before he was president, mind you, and he was still elected). So seeing a UFO doesn’t automatically make you a deranged paranoid who hates X- Files reruns because they don’t go far enough. You could just be a normal person with an extraordinary experience to share. One that doesn’t involve a probe of some sort. THE CHECKLIST Well, before you start telling all your friends about your close encounter, keep the following in mind. Because while we would never day you didn’t see a UFO, we also want 5. Weather balloons are out there: They’re Verification: One of the really big problems to keep you from enduring a lifetime of released every day all across the U.S.; they’re with so many UFO sightings is that no one else mockery from less open-minded “friends.” bright and shiny, and they float up tremendously is around to see them. Your UFO experience high in th esky (well into the stratosphere), will be much more believable if someone else is 1. Make sure it’s not Venus: Yes, Venus is a pretty much where you’d suspect there’s no around to see them. There’s nothing like having famous culprit in many UFO sightings, because man-made object at all. They also make “course a total stranger come up to you and say, “Did it’s bright and unblinking and because ti can be changes” depending on the winds up there. you just see what I just saw?” It won’t mean that seen while it’s still light out (and, apparently, what you saw is any more a true UFO than it many people that a bright, unblinking light just 6. Military aircraft can get you: Sure, most would otherwise be(please review point 1 hanging there in the sky while it’s still light has people know what a commercial aircraft looks through 8). But at least you’ll have some just got to be a UFO). Now, you might say to like. But lots of people were fooled in the early backup when you to the bar to tell your yourself, “Who the heck can’t tell the difference days of the SR-71 spy plane, especially when friends.[] between a UFO and a planet millions of miles the pilot of said plane did a maneuver called the away?” Well, Jimmy Carter, for one; an “Dipsy Doodle,” which to a ground observer JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER... examination of the details of the UFO looks like a UFO diving, hovering for a second, EGG TRIVIA observation he and others made on the night in and then taking off at tremendous speeds. More question rather strongly suggests that the 39th recently, various “stealth” planes have president was looking at Venus. Jupiter, which frightened the credulous with their * Eggshells contain as many as 17,000 tiny can get almost as bright as Venus, is another unconventional shapes. pores over their surface. Through these pores, common planetary UFO culprit. the egg can absorb flavors and odors (like the 7. Electrical discharges happen: This is the rotting vegetables in your refrigerator). 2. Make sure it’s not a meteor: Most meteors famous “swamp gas” and “St. Elmo’s Fire,” in * About 240 million laying hens produce some streak across the sky and are done with, but which strange and perfectly natural balls of 5.5 billion dozen eggs per year in the United some larger ones can become fireballs and ionized particles bounce and glow and make States, zoom across the sky for a good long time, some people think they’re being chased by ETs. * Egg yolks are one of the few foods that trailing smoke and sparks behind them and even Electrical discharges near high-power lines and naturally contain Vitamin D. exploding in midair (when they do that, it’s power stations have also been known to get a * Yolk color depends on the diet of the hen. called a “bolis”). Fireballs and bolises can be UFO label slapped on them. * White-shelled eggs are produced by hens with seen during the day as well, so don’t let that fool white feathers and ear lobes; brown-shelled you. 8. Your eyes see more than what’s there: eggs are produced by hens with red feathers and Here’s a dirty little fact about human eyesight - ear lobes. 3. Make sure it’s not falling space junk, it’s not as reliable as people think it is. * If you take some sandpaper to a brown egg either: Booster rockets, communication Involuntary eye movements can make objects and rub a little, you’ll be able to see the white satellites, abandoned space stations - sooner or that are perfectly still appear to jerk around in underneath. later thay all fall back to earth. Don’t be the one the night sky (this is one of the reasons Venus is who confuses them for aliens making a U-turn frequently confused for a UFO when it’s just ‘X’ ZONE FACT*oids on their way back to deep space. Also, be aware sitting there.) that man-made satellites that aren’t falling are Human eyes will also embellish briefly - Elephants cannot jump. often mistaken for UFOs because they’re bright, seen objects with details that aren’t actually - In Greek, astro means “star” and naut meant starlike objects that cruise across the sky at a there: People reporting UFOs that turn out to be “sailor.” good clip. reentering space junk will often report blinking - The skin of a polar bear is black and it’s hair is lights, windows, and purposeful movement, clear - not white. 4. Make sure it’s not a cloud: No, we’re not when none of those things were part of the - The addiction potential of nicotine is 100% trying to insult your intelligence. Certain types falling debris. This tendency will likely be compared to 81.8% for heroin. of altocumulus clouds take on the traditional accentuated if (ahem) you’re under the - The naked mole rat, the only cold-blooded “flying saucer” shape and do such a good job of influence of anything. adult mammal, is not naked, a rat, or a mole. it that people get fooled. 9. Get Independent Third-Party COMING SOON - The ‘X’ Zone Book of FACT*oids