Page 28 - 20120708 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - July / August 2012

%6160@8;@> !2B ( "E#;88 Ridiculous New UFO Poll prepared and psychologically manipulative science, and the REAL out-of-this-world quirky Reveals … Nothing Hulk-handler. Which is to say, Batman. news! Dave has years of experience speaking Assuming Superman is excluded Important because he actually is a space alien, my second on radio about one of his great passions - choice is Katniss Everdeen, and my third choice astronomy! UnderWire is Finn and Jake. He has a talent for making astronomy a "not to be missed" topic, and now it's a weekly The National Geographic Channel has released What would you do if a UFO landed in part of the ABC Riverina breakfast. He tries to the results of a poll it took to, presumably, your backyard? visit the region as often as he can through his gauge the media’s willingness to report on The most popular answer is “befriend Astronomy Outreach program. ridiculous polls. For instance, the poll says 80 them,” which is going to be tough to do if they Anne and Dave are great mates, and this percent of Americans believe that the U.S. find out you’re willing to unleash a deeply comes through in the warm and witty government is harboring secret information angry, incomprehensibly strong gamma- conversations they have each Monday. [] about UFOs. irradiated monster on them at the first This seems shocking until you realize opportunity. Fraud Psychic Paula Lee two things: A full 13 percent chose “lock the door,” •“UFO” stands for “unidentified flying which demonstrates a troubling lack of critical Arrested On Theft object.” thinking skills. Do they think other planets don’t Charges and Tax Evasion. •A response like “we are not going to have locksmith schools? Or bricks? I’m comment on that flying object you can’t imagining a group of heavily armed Klingons Over $300,000 Stolen identify, not even to tell you we have no damn standing around someone’s front porch saying, idea what you’re blithering about” counts as “Well, we knocked, and then K’ftargh rang the From Former Clients harboring secret information. bell like 20 times. I’m stumped.” So, yes, the U.S. government is not My answer: Tweet like I’ve never The Daily Record going to tell you whether that airborne thing you tweeted before. saw near a military base was an alien, a spy A psychic who was sued by a former client who plane, a plain old regular plane, a bird, a meteor Do you believe in UFOs? said she was bilked out of jewelry and $150,000 or a bird getting hit by a meteor. Whee. The other questions in National No. A UFO is an unidentified flying has been charged in Morris County with Geographic’s UFO poll are also very odd, object. If you don’t know what a given flying stealing $324,650 from five people and failing to pay income taxes for five years. giving the overall impression that the survey object is, then you have identified that object as Defendant Paula Lee, also known as was designed by junior-high-schoolers passing a UFO, and thus it is no longer unidentified. Pauline Lee, was held Tuesday in lieu of notes during detention. I’m fairly certain the But, OK, wait, hold on. If it’s not a UFO, then $75,000 bail in the Morris County Jail on first draft of the poll included the question, you don’t know what it is, so it’s an unidentified charges of stealing $324,650 from five people “Would you french Janey Magrand? BE flying object, so it’s a UFO. But then you’ve between 2004 and 2010. HONEST!” identified it, so it can’t be, so it isn’t, so it has to Nonetheless, as a journalist of some be, so it is, so it’s not. Lee, now 36 and living in Hewlett, N.Y., poorly defined variety, I feel like the public Dammit, where’s Batman when you got the victims to give her money to invest in a “church” but claimed the funds would be deserves to know my opinion on the type of need him? [] returned to them, according to complaints vastly important questions raised by a channel signed by Morris County Prosecutor’s Office for people who think the Discovery Channel is Spaced Out! Meteorite for eggheads. Detective Barry Bittenmaster. Lee for years operated a psychic, or hoax fortune-telling shop, in Randolph but moved in Who would be better to deal with 2010, about the time that one of the victims in space aliens, Obama or Romney? www.abc.net.au the criminal case sued her for fraud. The criminal complaints allege that Lee, At first glance, Republican presidential between 2004 and 2010, stole amounts that challenger Mitt Romney would be the best ranged between $3,600 and $149,550 from choice for this, given that he is a member of a victims in Randolph and Denville, with the religion that actually has hymns about promise the money would be placed in a church. extraterrestrial planets and how awesome they The complaints also charge Lee with failing to are. But in the end, Romney’s enthusiasm would pay income taxes between from 2007 to 2011. either annoy the hell out of the aliens, or make Karen Brown, the person claiming the him give away the farm and the planet upon greatest theft from Lee, sued in state Superior which the farm is located. Court, Morristown, in 2010, alleging that Lee President Barack Obama, on the other exploited her depression and made her believe hand, could deliver one hell of a “don’t destroy she would die without her assistance. us, there is good in humanity if you can look Brown had seen her sign for psychic past the wars and hatred and read a Dickinson services in Randolph and went to her for help poem or something” speech. coping with her marriage and depression, the A whopping big meteorite landed on a London suit said. Who would you enlist to battle an alien cab...or did it! Plus a look at World UFO Day Lee used her “psychic powers” to and what lies beneath on Saturn's moon Titan. invasion: the Hulk, Batman or Spider- Astronomer Dave Reneke's a self- convince Brown she was under a curse and Man? confessed space-aholic and has more than 40 “dark forces were obstructing her efforts to find years' experience as an amateur astronomer and happiness,” the lawsuit alleged. First off, the answer is Batman. The lecturer. And he rubs shoulders with some of the Lee also convinced Brown to give her answer is always Batman. If the Hulk is really world's most prestigious space scientists and money that she promised to return and the best choice, as 21 percent of Americans astronomy institutions. borrowed her credit card to buy an $11,000 ring seem to think, then Batman will realize that and Each Monday at 6.20am on ABC and a miniature scale model of a church that fetch the Hulk. Riverina Breakfast, Dave talks with Anne cost $12,000. [] The problem with the Hulk is that he is Delaney (a fellow space fanatic) about the latest Listen to The ‘X’ Zone Radio Show Archives motivated mostly by resentment, anger and astronomy news, explorations of planets and at whim, so you’d need a very intelligent, well- moons happening at the moment, great space www.xzonepodcast.com