Page 35 - 20120708 - The 'X' Chronicles Newspaper - July / August 2012

Psychic Fraud Comes Clean ‘Psychic’ Fraud Comes Betsy, dropped Pete’s name, and was greeted by destroys it on its way to Earth to wreck havoc. Clean a giddy-sounding woman with the happiest of While it would be good to have Optimus Prime voices. I liked her immediately. protecting Earth and teaching us the benign “Hey, any friend of Pete is a friend of aspects of the Transformers' culture, the amount Ed Brayton mine! Great to hear from you! We have psychics of lives lost due to the Decepticon attacks working every day, but our big psychic fairs are wouldn't be worth it. on Saturdays. We have a big one coming up next 2. H. G. Wells' Martian invaders -- In Mark Edward, a former “psychic” and now a weekend. Why don’t you come on down and we The War of the Worlds Martians come to Earth member of the editorial board of Skeptic and a can talk?” looking to wipe humanity off the planet. This big supporter of the work of James Randi, has a “Sounds like a plan. If it’s okay for me to was one of the first stories to posit Martians as new book out called Psychic Blues, in which he ask, how many psychics do you have working a violent and evil people, and sadly that argues that the vast majority of “psychics” are when you do a big fair?” stereotype has stuck. con artists (the rest may actually believe they “Usually between twenty and thirty 3. Tharks and Therns -- The Mars that have an ability that they do not, in fact, have). readers work the floor at one time. That John Carter visits in Edgar Rice Burroughs' And he relates his own experiences and how he includes astrologers, tarot readers, runestone books, and in the recent Disney movie based on got in on the scam. Alternet has a chapter from readers, reflexologists, healers–you name it, we them, is full of alien races battling one another that book. have it. We also have a huge marketplace where for control of the planet… a battle that we “I had honed my magic chops and built vendors sell books, incense, crystals–all that should not get involved in. my profile early on while working at a kind of stuff.” 4. Marvin the Martian -- Yes he's cute, members-only magic club on Lido Isle called “Wow, it sounds like a busy day. I hope but he has violent tendencies, so it would be Magic Island. This was the OC version of you’ll have room for one more psychic.” best to leave him, and his lasers, alone. Hollywood’s Magic Castle. In its early years, “That shouldn’t be a problem. The main 5. The Mars Attacks Martians -- Less this elegant Egyptian-style club was a church chapel has all the pews removed and cute than Marvin, more diabolical than H. G. recognized jumping-off point for OC holds a lot of people. What do you do?” Wells' invaders, equally bad for the human race. millionaires and their mistresses. Hundred- “Mostly tarot and palm readings right 6. Dr. Manhattan's Mars hideout -- dollar tips were easily had for a mediocre card now, but I have also worked with ghost-hunting Should Curiosity stumble upon the home of this trick. It was here, in the splendor of Magic and mediumship over the years.” I was hedging demigod then New York may be on a collision- Island’s main bar and lounge, that I first my bets here. course for destruction as scripted in Alan became aware of the appeal of tarot cards and The more skills a psychic can offer and Moore' Watchmen. Needless to say, this would palm readings. more versatile he or she can be, the be bad. I was completely dazzled watching my better–especially when dealing with someone 7. Jimmy Hoffa's body -- After years of friend Jules Lenier receive five to six times what who might like to turn a profit on those skills. wondering whatever happened to Hoffa, it I was earning as a magician (in cash, no less) “If you’re a medium, that opens up a would be rather unsatisfying to find out that he by cannily chatting up the very richest of the whole lot of other possibilities. Are you ended up on Mars. This also applies to Elvis, D. rich. Luckily for me, Jules was happy to share clairaudient or clairsentient?” B. Cooper, and everyone's left sock. his secrets. Jules has said I have him to blame “Eh, well . . . I hear ‘em and see ‘em 8. Kristen Bell -- If the woman who for much of my slightly depraved and both, I guess. It’s hard to describe. It comes to plated Veronica Mars is there, it means that duplicitous psychic background. me in a lot of ways. It doesn’t always happen in someone has beaten NASA to getting humans But it took years before I even began to the same way twice in a row. It depends on the on the Red Planet, which would be a shame catch up to the level of charm Jules could exude situation. Usually, it’s pictures that come to me. after the success of the Curiosity landing. and the profits he could make. Both grew slowly They make more sense later.” 9. Any signs of the new Total Recall for me, and part of this growth came from the “I totally understand.” movie -- Not many people were asking for a Light Path Foundation, a place that was just I think we all do. [] remake of the 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger about as far away from a dark, seductive bar movie of the same name so let's hope the new scene as one could get. version doesn't leave this planet. One particularly slow Sunday afternoon 12 things NASA's 10. Santa Claus - Santa Claus Conquers in 1991 I was working a small psychic fair in a the Martians has the dubious distinction of hastily converted industrial mall in Fullerton, Curiosity rover hopefully being the only film listed by Wikipedia as both California, with my friend from the KYAK days, an example of Mars in Fiction and one of the Peter. Psychic fairs were like small won't find on Mars Worst Films Ever Made. If Mars were to have farmersmarket arrangements that rented halls one example of Earthly culture, it shouldn't be or rooms at hotels and attracted a decent Fox 6 WBRC / Don Meade this. amount of interest from the local 11. The Mars Volta -- While these neighborhoods. It was hit or miss waiting for NASA has landed its Curiosity rover on Mars to freakout rockers might make for a good concert the bookings to come through. Peter and I were to attend, if the planet Mars is anything like not doing well, psychically or financially. So document and study the Red Planet. Photos and their video for L'Via L'Viaquez we would be tweets are already coming to Earth as the rover Peter suggested that I contact his friend Betsy, better off staying away. who was the general manager at Light Path. studies Mars looking for signs of any life that 12. David Bowie -- He may have may have once lived there. If we're lucky dry Many psychic veterans, the walking wounded river beds and rocks holding traces of water will written about "Life on Mars," but an entire from either the Psychic Friends Network or the planet of Thin White Dukes? We'd be better off KYAK years, were gathering at various psychic be all Curiosity finds. taking our chances with the Tharks. [] Over the past hundred years many fairs and venues in and around Los Angeles writers, artists and directors have thought about during the 1990s, and the biggest and busiest of their psychic supermarkets was the Light Path. what life on Mars might be like, and what any RENTED native life forms might be like. More often than Peter told me that people like Sylvia Browne SILENCE and Kenny Kingston–two luminaries in the big- not, these fictional Martians have been less than by friendly to us Earthlings. time psychic business–were regulars at Light With this tradition of malignant LUCIA MANN Path and that the foundation’s reputation was G$=C4: *70A -8:: top of the line, as far as working the masses Martians in mind, here is a list of 12 things that Change Your Life! Curiosity will hopefully not find on Mars: went. Sadly, Jules has since passed on to that 1. Decepticons -- In Michael Bay's magic lounge in the sky and is no doubt flipping Transformers movies, NASA sends a rover to www.rentedsilence.com Mars that "disappears" due to a "malfunction." over tarot cards and gently pulling on his www.luciamann.com elegant cigarette holder there now. I called That "malfunction" turns out to be a giant robot from outer space that finds the rover and