Page 20 - US APP Booklet

5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and
a new understanding of yourself or others. [Revised] Commented [JC1]: I think it is the best topic to choose.
But the questions

3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a
Dreams belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the
outcome? [Revised]

“Deep breath, 1…2…3…Yes, I can make it!” I closed my eye and told myself that it is also a good choice

was a really important moment in my life. I opened my eye and there was only a ball in front of
me. I was standing in an empty football field. I lifted my feet and kicked the soccer using all of

my power. Suddenly, I was forcefully pulling into another time and space. An unimaginable
yelling and cheer explosively spread out the field. “You made it.” my teammates yelled on me.

We won the champion of China High School Football League in 2013. To be a professional Commented [JC2]: I always love to begin with a very
important moment in our life to reflect something important
soccer player was my dream since I was a little boy. Ever since I was young, soccer was my life; in our life.
Commented [JC3]: An excellent essay always begins with
it would be very easy to find me behind a ball. an extremely impressive start. So, I recommend you to focus
on “Professional soccer player, and put it in the beginning to
emphasize that it will be the main story line in your essay.
And I want to add a little more “flavor” in the beginning to
The year I turned nine, I joined a league in China which was funded by Football Club Barcelona show some “Synopsis” in the beginning just like a TV series!
Commented [JC4]: Never use “YOU” in any essay in your
(FCB) football league when I was nine. At the time I joined, the franchise league in my life! Of course, it depends! I can discuss this with you later!
Commented [JC5]: Too…verbiage…
hometown was new. However, but we quickly became one of the best knownbest-known Commented [JC6]: I believe the league was not new but
only new in your hometown right?
footballsoccer leagues in the Hong Kong. Our team was like a big family and we did everything Commented [JC7]: Coherence!!

together. We lived together, we eat together, and wWe practiced soccer technical skills such as
one-two, long pass, and shot every day. Our soul was bounded together tightly and we had every

single good time and hard time together. As a result, We were like a family and knew each other
deeply, since we lived together. wWe had outstanding skills and great team work and in the

2010-2012 season and we were never undefeated. We practiced soccer technical skills such as Commented [JC8]: I use “never” here to emphasize your
team was really strong!
one-two, long pass, and shot every day. We were like a family and knew each other deeply, since

we lived together. That was the years I was captain and my dreams of becoming a professional