Page 136 - A Little Life: A Novel

“You can’t do that,” he’d said, furious himself now, although he knew
Andy could: he had looked up the laws of involuntary commitment in New
York State, and they were not in his favor.

“You know I can,” Andy had said. He was almost shouting at this point.
Their appointments were always after office hours, because they sometimes
chatted afterward if Andy had time and was in a good mood.
“I’ll sue you,” he’d said, absurdly, and Andy had yelled back at him, “Go
right ahead! Do you know how fucked up this is, Jude? Do you have any
idea what kind of position you’re putting me in?”
“Don’t worry,” he’d said, sarcastically, “I don’t have any family. No

one’s going to sue you for wrongful death.”
Andy had stepped back, then, as if he had tried to hit him. “How dare
you,” he’d said, slowly. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
And of course he did. But “Whatever,” he said. “I’m leaving.” And he
slid off the table (fortunately, he hadn’t changed out of his clothes; Andy
had started lecturing him before he’d had a chance) and tried to leave the

room, although leaving the room at his pace was hardly dramatic, and Andy
scooted over to stand in the doorway.
“Jude,” he said, in one of his sudden mood changes, “I know you don’t
want to go. But this is getting scary.” He took a breath. “Have you ever
even talked to anyone about what happened when you were a kid?”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with anything,” he’d said, feeling cold.
Andy had never alluded to what he’d told him, and he found himself feeling

betrayed that he should do so now.
“Like hell it doesn’t,” Andy had said, and the self-conscious theatricality
of the phrase—did anyone really say that outside of the movies?—made
him smile despite himself, and Andy, mistaking his smile for mockery,
changed directions again. “There’s something incredibly arrogant about
your stubbornness, Jude,” he continued. “Your utter refusal to listen to

anyone about anything that concerns your health or well-being is either a
pathological case of self-destructiveness or it’s a huge fuck-you to the rest
of us.”
He was hurt by this. “And there’s something incredibly manipulative
about you threatening to commit me whenever I disagree with you, and
especially in this case, when I’ve told you it was a stupid accident,” he
hurled back at Andy. “Andy, I appreciate you, I really do. I don’t know