Page 182 - A Little Life: A Novel

home, his time with the Douglasses. With everyone else, he tried to be
evasive for as long as he could, until finally he would say that his parents
had died when he was little, and that he had grown up in foster care, which

usually stopped their questions. But Willem knew more of the truth, and he
knew Willem knew that this was his most impossible, his most fervent
desire. “Jude, that’s amazing. How do you feel?”
He tried to laugh. “Like I’m going to mess it up.”
“You won’t.” They were both quiet. “I didn’t even know you could adopt
someone who’s a legal adult.”
“I mean, it’s not common, but you can. As long as both parties consent.

It’s mostly done for purposes of inheritance.” He made another attempt at a
laugh. (Stop trying to laugh, he scolded himself.) “I don’t remember much
from when I studied this in family law, but I do know that I get a new birth
certificate with their names on it.”
“Wow,” said Willem.
“I know,” he said.

He heard someone calling Willem’s name, commandingly, in the
background. “You have to go,” he told Willem.
“Shit,” said Willem. “But Jude? Congratulations. No one deserves it
more.” He called back at whoever was yelling for him. “I’ve got to go,” he
said. “Do you mind if I write Harold and Julia?”
“Sure,” he said. “But Willem, don’t tell the others, okay? I just want to sit
with it for a while.”

“I won’t say a word. I’ll see you tomorrow. And Jude—” But he didn’t,
or couldn’t, say anything else.
“I know,” he said. “I know, Willem. I feel the same way.”
“I love you,” said Willem, and then he was gone before he had to
respond. He never knew what to say when Willem said that to him, and yet
he always longed for him to say it. It was a night of impossible things, and

he fought to stay awake, to be conscious and alert for as long as possible, to
enjoy and repeat to himself everything that had happened to him, a
lifetime’s worth of wishes coming true in a few brief hours.
Back in the apartment the next day, there was a note from Willem telling
him to wait up, and when Willem came home, he had ice cream and a carrot
cake, which the two of them ate even though neither of them particularly
liked sweets, and champagne, which they drank even though he had to

wake up early the following morning. The next few weeks slid by: Harold