Page 367 - A Little Life: A Novel

days, when the brother seemed elsewhere. Brother Luke was never unkind
when he was in these moods, only quiet, but the kind of quiet he knew to
avoid. But he yearned for one of Luke’s stories; he needed it. It had been

such an awful day, the kind of day in which he had wanted to die, and he
wanted to hear Luke tell him about their cabin, and about all the things they
would do there when they were alone. In their cabin, there would be no
Brother Matthew or Father Gabriel or Brother Peter. No one would shout at
him or hurt him. It would be like living all the time in the greenhouse, an
enchantment without end.
He was reminding himself not to speak when Brother Luke spoke to him.

“Jude,” he said, “I’m very sad today.”
“Why, Brother Luke?”
“Well,” said Brother Luke, and paused. “You know how much I care for
you, right? But lately I’ve been feeling that you don’t care for me.”
This was terrible to hear, and for a moment he couldn’t speak. “That’s not
true!” he told the brother.

But Brother Luke shook his head. “I keep talking to you about our house
in the forest,” he said, “but I don’t get the feeling that you really want to go
there. To you, they’re just stories, like fairy tales.”
He shook his head. “No, Brother Luke. They’re real to me, too.” He
wished he could tell Brother Luke just how real they were, just how much
he needed them, how much they had helped him. Brother Luke looked so
upset, but finally he was able to convince him that he wanted that life, too,

that he wanted to live with Brother Luke and no one else, that he would do
whatever he needed to in order to have it. And finally, finally, the brother
had smiled, and crouched and hugged him, moving his arms up and down
his back. “Thank you, Jude, thank you,” he said, and he, so happy to have
made Brother Luke so happy, thanked him back.
And then Brother Luke looked at him, suddenly serious. He had been

thinking about it a lot, he said, and he thought it was time for them to build
their cabin; it was time that they go away together. But he, Luke, wouldn’t
do it alone: Was Jude going to come with him? Did he give him his word?
Did he want to be with Brother Luke the way Brother Luke wanted to be
with him, just the two of them in their small and perfect world? And of
course he did—of course he did.
So there was a plan. They would leave in two months, before Easter; he

would celebrate his ninth birthday in their cabin. Brother Luke would take