Page 387 - A Little Life: A Novel

would get to garden, because he wanted to work outside, and on his
morning runs, he could feel that summer was coming, and on their drives to
the track, he had seen fields in bloom with wildflowers, and he wanted to be

among them.
Brother Luke knelt by him. “You’re going to do what you did with Father
Gabriel and a couple of the brothers,” he said, and then, slowly, he
understood what Luke was saying, and he stepped back toward the bed,
everything within him seizing with fear. “Jude, it’s going to be different
now,” Luke said, before he could say anything. “It’ll be over so fast, I
promise you. And you’re so good at it. And I’ll be waiting in the bathroom

to make sure nothing goes wrong, all right?” He stroked his hair. “Come
here,” he said, and held him. “You are a wonderful kid,” he said. “It’s
because of you and what you’re doing that we’re going to have our cabin,
all right?” Brother Luke had talked and talked, and finally, he had nodded.
The man had come in (many years later, his would be one of the very few
of their faces he would remember, and sometimes, he would see men on the

street and they would look familiar, and he would think: How do I know
him? Is he someone I was in court with? Was he the opposing counsel on
that case last year? And then he would remember: he looks like the first of
them, the first of the clients) and Luke had gone to the bathroom, which
was just behind his bed, and he and the man had had sex and then the man
had left.
That night he was very quiet, and Luke was gentle and tender with him.

He had even brought him a cookie—a gingersnap—and he had tried to
smile at Luke, and tried to eat it, but he couldn’t, and when Luke wasn’t
looking, he wrapped it in a piece of paper and threw it away. The next day
he hadn’t wanted to go to the track in the morning, but Luke had said he’d
feel better with some exercise, and so they had gone and he had tried to run,
but it was too painful and he had eventually sat down and waited until Luke

said they could leave.
Now their routine was different: they still had classes in the mornings and
afternoons, but now, some evenings, Brother Luke brought back men, his
clients. Sometimes there was just one; sometimes there were several. The
men brought their own towels and their own sheets, which they fitted over
the bed before they began and unpeeled and took with them when they left.
He tried very hard not to cry at night, but when he did, Brother Luke

would come sit with him and rub his back and comfort him. “How many