Page 445 - A Little Life: A Novel

singing in it, after all. They’re getting me a coach, but will you practice
with me?”
“Of course,” he says. “And you don’t need to worry: you have a beautiful

voice, Willem.”
“It’s thin.”
“It’s sweet.”
Willem laughs, and squeezes his hand. “Tell Kit that,” he says. “He’s
already freaking out.” He sighs. “How was your day?” he asks.
“Fine,” he says.
They begin to kiss, which he still has to do with his eyes open, to remind

himself that it is Willem he is kissing, not Brother Luke, and he is doing
well until he remembers the first night he had come back to the apartment
with Caleb, and Caleb’s pressing him against the wall, and everything that
followed, and he pulls himself abruptly away from Willem, turning his face
from him. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry.” He has not taken off his clothes
tonight, and now he pulls his sleeves down over his hands. Beside him,

Willem waits, and into the silence, he hears himself saying, “Someone I
know died yesterday.”
“Oh, Jude,” says Willem. “I’m so sorry. Who was it?”
He is silent for a long time, trying to speak the words. “Someone I was in
a relationship with,” he says at last, and his tongue feels clumsy in his
mouth. He can feel Willem’s focus intensify, can feel him move an inch or
two closer to him.

“I didn’t know you were in a relationship,” says Willem, quietly. He
clears his throat. “When?”
“When you were shooting The Odyssey,” he says, just as quietly, and
again, he feels the air change. Something happened while I was away, he
remembers Willem saying. Something’s wrong. He knows Willem is
remembering the same conversation.

“Well,” says Willem, after a long pause. “Tell me. Who was the lucky
person?”
He can barely breathe now, but he keeps going. “It was a man,” he
begins, and although he’s not looking at Willem—he’s concentrating on the
chandelier—he can feel him nod, encouragingly, willing him to continue.
But he can’t; Willem will have to prompt him, and he does.
“Tell me about him,” Willem says. “How long did you go out for?”

“Four months,” he says.