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NARM Affect Core Principle: Shame, Guilt & Self-Hatred
§Each survival style is based on shame
§The child responds to environmental failure believing it is their fault
(shame) which fuels the deepest survival style identifications
• This process of shaming and blaming themselves is part of a disconnection process of self the child uses in order to protect the attachment relationship
oAny mobilization of aliveness, connection, self-awareness, expansion, independence, self-expression, self-activation, inherently threatens the shame-based survival strategy used to protect the attachment relationship
oJudgments, shame, guilt, etc. can feel very strong when we’re on the cusp of feeling something very significant (e.g., healthy aggression, grief), when new possibilities and re-organization is happening
NARM Model for Working with Affect Laurence Heller, PhD & Brad J Kammer, LMFT, LPCC 39
