Page 33 - NARM Model for Working with Affect

NARM Affect Core Principle: Shame, Guilt & Self-Hatred
§Guilt vs shame: feeling bad about what you did vs. who you are
§Shame is at the root of our identity: who we take ourselves to be
§Guilt often functions as a way to keep a person in the status quo
• We often feel guilty when we break the inner rules of the
adaptations (identifications) we’ve made
• Guilt is used as a way of getting oneself back in line: it’s message is that you’ve just moved beyond your traditional comfort zone and are going up against your adaptive survival patterns
oe.g. “When I say no, I feel guilty” - this is a way one will guilt themselves as they move closer to breaking the internal rule that if they say no they will not be loved
oSo under the guilt is fear: the fear of attachment loss
NARM Model for Working with Affect Laurence Heller, PhD & Brad J Kammer, LMFT, LPCC 38