Page 4 - March 14 issue

4 news THE SPOTLIGHT | BDSPOTLIGHT.COM | MARCH 14, 2014 “MAD LOVE” “MAD LOVE” SIGNS OF AND STEPS TO TAKE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP By Emily Rasmussen staff writer The statistics are startling—33 percent of high dangerous behaviors also send formidable warn- tion could turn violent, it is smart to cut ties through school students have experienced physical, emo- ings. In a healthy romance, both members are com- the phone or in the presence of other people. tional, sexual or verbal abuse from a boyfriend or fortable with who they are and should not feel as if After the breakup, it becomes even more impor- girlfriend. Of these teenagers, only 33 percent tell they have to change themselves or the other person. tant to have a group of friends and family for emo- anyone about the problem. Relationships punctuated by frequent insults are tional support or, if necessary, physical protection. These numbers do not match up, which poses a verbally abusive, even if the abuser dismisses the The initiator of the breakup should avoid isolated complicated question. If so many teenagers experi- put-downs as constructive criticism or something areas and keep friends nearby at any events the ex- ence abuse, why do so few seek help? the partner could avoid by being a better person. An boyfriend or girlfriend may be attending. People fnd a variety of reasons to stay in abu- abuser who places blame on a victim in any scenario If the victim continues to feel unsafe, more dras- sive relationships, including fear of society’s and sends a glaring sign of an unhealthy romance. tic intervention could become necessary. the partner’s reaction, hope that the abuser will The most obvious abuse to detect is physical. If He or she could seek refuge at a shelter designed change, distrust of authority fgures who could help someone hits or physically harms his or her partner specifcally to help individuals subjected to domes- and dependency on the abuser. An individual also in any way, the relationship is dangerous. tic violence. Indianapolis holds many, mostly for might stay with his or her partner out of ignorance Accepting the problem is the frst step toward fx- females, including The Julian Center and Beacon to the problem. Many abuse victims do not know ing it, but even those who recognize they are trapped of Hope. what a healthy relationship looks like and believe with an abusive partner often do not know what to Victims can also fle restraining orders against their situations are normal. do about it. To begin, the victim should reach out to their abusers. People dealing with dating violence Domestic violence, however, is not standard or friends and family members. can obtain protective orders for free, but a parent acceptable, and each case comes accompanied with “It is important that family and friends support or guardian must fle on behalf of anyone under 18. warning signs. the victim even when they are in the relationship More information is available at indy.gov. One indicator is overly possessive behavior, with the abuser,” physical and health education Throughout the process of breaking away from which often manifests in the form of paranoia or teacher Jessica Hobbs said. “Abusers manipulate an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, the victim should jealousy about outside relationships. If one mem- their victims and isolate them from everyone. They remember one thing above all else—the abuser will ber of a couple repeatedly checks the other’s phone don’t want the victim to have a job, friends, an edu- not change, no matter what he or she says. or becomes angry when the other wants to spend cation. If you have a friend or family member in an “You have made the right decision,” Hobbs said time with family and friends, the relationship has abusive relationship, listen to them. You should not when asked what she would tell someone who just become unhealthily overbearing. Even smaller acts, judge.” ended a toxic relationship. “In an abusive relation- such as attempts to control the clothes a boyfriend The victim should break up with the boyfriend ship you will hear four things: ‘I’m sorry, it will nev- or girlfriend wears, can indicate a relationship has or girlfriend but use caution when doing so. Abus- er happen again, I will change, I love you.’ Don’t crossed the line. ers, given their irrational and power-hungry nature, believe it.” Efforts to pressure a person into participating in may not respond calmly to a break up. If the situa- 85% 1/4 1/3 6-6 20-24 37 of domestic vio- women will expe- female homicide Domestic vio- Women ages 20 to 24 Domestic lence victims are rience domestic victims is mur- lence is most are at greatest risk of violence costs women. violence during dered by her cur- likely to occur becoming victims of more than $37 her lifetime. rent or former between 6 p.m. domestic violence. billion a year partner. and 6 a.m. in law en- forcement and mental health treatment. Collected from safehorizon.org and ncadv.org