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FOLLOW UP: REPAIR COACHING FOR CHANGE

Adults make sure REPAIR TIME takes place EVERY time others were affected by someone Adults would not put a child on an emotional roller coaster – getting everyone
else - not only when an incident is serious. excited when the child finds it easier to manage well and being sad and disappointed
when they find it harder and don’t manage so well.
The repair may only be very quick and take place as a group. Even at these less formal
times, adults show the repair sign and make it clear that this is a specific time for repair – Instead, adults are ‘Curious not furious’, positive and supportive yet in quite a matter-
adults make other people’s welfare be seen as very important and in turn support the of-fact evidenced based way. Adults are also insistent that the child learns the skills
building of empathy skills for the individual child. they need to do well and persistent and consistent in helping them make progress.

Adults make sure repair takes place as much for emotional harm as it does for physical Adults praise from the inside out - using ‘you must feel really proud of the progress
harm / material damage. you have made in …’ instead of ‘I’m so proud of the progress … .’:
E.g. With an older child, adults might say, “You must feel great that you managed to
Adults never force children to apologise, write letters or make amends. However, if the stay calm today, even when things didn’t go as you wanted. You took breaths and
child is unable to make amends and show true empathy, adults make it clear to the child were able to hold the unpleasant feeling long enough to decide the best course of
and everyone involved that the child will have additional support to improve this skill as it action rather than reacting impulsively. Keep practising and you will start being able
is essential (high expectations). Adults will have already taught all children that empathy is to do this even at the trickiest of times!”
an important skill and if someone finds it difficult, it will be really important for them to be
helped to improve at it. Adults may sure children track their own progress and make it clear that this isn’t
about writing if they were ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or a ‘behaviour chart’ but just knowing if
Adults always make sure those affected feel safe, happy and able to learn for the future – the strategies, scaffolds and skills practice is working – just like a doctor would check
this mean that adults speak with a child who negatively impacted others and explain it progress to see if a medicine is working.
would not be good for them or others to be placed in the same position until they have the
scaffolds to manage / have built their skills. This may mean they have to have lunch, play or
learn in a different place - but adults would work hard to make sure they were happy and
did not feel it was a punishment but understood it was to make sure they and others feel
good and can do well. They would also at the same time be helping the child to gain the
skills to manage better and be able to return to enjoy all activities with their peer group.

Although it sounds as if all of this will take lots of time and time is very limited, adults
know that it will save huge amounts of time in the future for everyone.