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Soldiers of Kindness  silence afterwards.                      I stood frozen and I felt normal for a second. Like the
                                                                cement had stopped pouring. The way that woman
 By Lee Giffen  At the end of the day I sat on the train, and wondered   stopped to tell me that, and really meant it with her
        about the people around me.                             whole being, cut one of my ties. It may be hard to be-
                                                                lieve that this small interaction in a bakery saved my
        The music from my headphones made my ears numb,         life, yet it did and I will always think of this day.
 The battle for kindness can sometimes be more   stranger carried lightly on her back, and then hand-  I listened to it at the loudest setting, yet heard noth-  I felt genuine kindness and love from a complete
 difficult than carrying harsh words. To show people   ed to me. The chances of me ever seeing this woman   ing. I got off the train and was walking up the steps of   stranger. That moment of clarity caused me to want
 strength through words is a different battle, I believe   again are unbelievably small, yet I owe her my life.  the subway to my part of the city. My eyes kept filling   to get my normal back. I bought my food and left the
 some are better at this battle than others. Every day,   with saltwater pools, then stopped, over and over   bakery I loved.
 I try my hardest to be kind to others, no matter how   I was living in pandemic New York City, riddled with   again. I was so unbelievably tired of my ties.
 messy my mind is.  the burden of depression. The feeling of constantly   Back in my apartment, I sat in front of my food. The
 walking in slow motion whilst nothing feeling real   I walked into a bakery, somewhere in the Upper   flicker of happiness this stranger inflicted on me,
 It is difficult to admit, but I used to carry harsh words   anymore. It felt like cement constantly being poured   East Side. I loved this bakery, the food, the smell, the   simply from being kind, caused me to want to work
 on my shoulders and the tip of my tongue. This is   on me, with the thoughts in my head screaming at   workers, the tile on the floor, everything. The qui-  on being happy again. I ate and decided the silence I
 something that is embarrassing, yet powerful. Embar-  me. I’d have moments of sitting in my quiet apart-  et hustle of it as you stared at options was the best   desired so much wasn’t a good idea right now. I knew
 rassing in the sense I have been mean to people who   ment, in my now quiet city--silent sobbing with my   part. The feeling of everyone existing together, all   I had to find a way to cut my ties.
 didn’t deserve it, but powerful because I have grown   hands around my neck, trying to choke the pain and   at the center of their own universe, but as one. As I
 up so much, and realized how kindness impacts us as   screams out of me. Just like how I used to carry harsh   was standing in front of the warm food, my strings   The next day, I went to the same bakery and told a girl
 humans.  words on my shoulders, my cemented mind was   were choking me, yet I was trying so hard to focus on   I  loved her outfit. Her eyes smiled when I told her. I
 something I felt hard to admit at the time.   what was in front of me. And the moment I had, after   wondered if she had any ties that needed cutting.
        thinking this, saved my life.                           I found that kindness had saved my life that day. Since
 I let myself spiral, and unravel so fast, the strings          then, I make sure to say something kind to someone
 of who I was felt permanently knotted. The cement   A woman, who had a soft, yet business like aura,   to cut whatever ties they could possibly have. This
 feeling was something that would visit quite often. Al-  paused next to me. I felt her staring at me, yet I didn’t   comforts me, perhaps I was helping them just like the
 ways coming and going, tangling my ties of who I am   look, for I had a habit of minding my business. The   woman in my favorite bakery helped me. To be kind
 on their way out. It was in the middle of fall; when the   stare continued for so long, I looked over. As soon as I   is sometimes a tough battle, but it is a battle I will
           weather was in between feeling of being enjoyable and   did, she immediately said hello. I was taken aback, for   gladly take on every day, for kindness is so powerful
 suffocating. I felt it was more like the latter. My spiral   she had no reason to be talking to me. I echoed her
 had been paying its visit for three months now, at this   hello and cocked my head, confused. She went on to
 point. I couldn’t find scissors strong enough to cut my   tell me I had the prettiest eyes. She gushed about the
 ties and my hands were too weak to untie my knots.   eye makeup I loved to smear, and my eyebrows that

        resembled marker. She told me I looked like art itself.
 I wanted silence to replace where my words held their   I thanked her, and she walked away.
 place in the universe, I wanted to be done with feeling                   Lee Giffen is a NYC/Honolulu
 tied, I wanted the feeling of feeling anything at all--to                 based artist, with a passion for
 completely simmer. No one had ever explained that                      inspiring others through her words
 sometimes you need to let other people untie your                        and artwork. She believes art can
 knots, if you are not being able to do so yourself.                           impact people’s lives in

 I held myself in a way that never gave away my secret                           indescribable ways.
 I wish I could pinpoint a certain moment in my life   feeling. I walked with more confidence than someone   Lee lives by the motto:
 where I no longer chose to carry my harsh dagger. I   on a runway and smiled like a child holding candy.   “Everyone is art in their own way.”
 just grew up. It is a constant evolution. One day you   I looked plastic, but was made of glass, the type that
 wake up and realize you aren’t even the same person   could shatter by looking at it wrong. I couldn’t ask for
 anymore.  help, for my strings felt they had tied my lips shut.
 This one day, I wanted to have the silence consume
 While unfortunately I don’t have an epiphany, I had   me, and let my words cease. I had never felt more tied
 moments of kindness that saved my life. And one of   than I did that day. However, I had to go to work. I
 these moments that I will never forget were words a   had to be plastic for a while, then I’d think about the
 28  www.zoegracepublishing.com  ZGP Magazine  ZGP Magazine  www.zoegracepublishing.com                          29
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