Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #466

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
If con is the oppo- site of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
I admit that I live in the past,
but only because housing is so much cheaper.
I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Diapers and politi- cians should be changed regular- ly; for the same reason.
Politics – from the words “Poly,” meaning “many,” and “Ticks,” as in “small, bloodsuck- ing parasites.”
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the bet- ter lawyer.
Murphy, a dishon- est lawyer, bribed a man on his client’s jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state. The jury
was out for sever- al days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict. When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
“Sure did,” the juror replied, “the other eleven wanted to acquit.”
A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They pro- ceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy bev- erage three flies landed in each of their pints,and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had hap- pened. The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT,
SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS- TARD!!!”
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never wor- ries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” com- plained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied
Florida Man Chews Up Seat of Police Car After Cocaine Arrest, OfficialsSay
By Travis Fedschun | Fox News
A Florida man arrested
on drug charges is facing addi- tional charges for what he did in the backseat of a patrol car on Thursday, according to offi- cials.
The Monroe County Sheriff's Office said in a news release that 37-year-old Melvin Stubbs of Homestead was originally arrest- ed and charged with cocaine traf- ficking and resisting arrest after he was found with more than 40 grams of cocaine during a traffic stop.
Stubbs, who had
a warrant out for his arrest for vio- lating probation stemming from cocaine sales, initially tried to run away and struggled with officers until one used a Taser and placed the 37- year-old in cus- tody.
The sheriff's office said that Stubbs was found with four baggies of cocaine inside his jacket pocket with a total weight of 41.1 grams.
When he was placed in the back of the patrol car, Stubbs began kicking the pas- senger side of the vehicle with his week, according to
police.
An officer then noticed that a "large piece" of the back seat of the patrol car had been "chewed off and/or eaten," causing at least $1,000 in dam- age, the sheriff's office said.
The 37-year-old remained com- bative and had to be placed in feet restrains before being taken to a near- by hospital.
He was later medically cleared and taken to jail, and was later charged with property damage due to damage to the vehicle.
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