Page 37 - Tree of Happiness

Reinforce a child’s effort to identify their “core beliefs” and to classify them as rational or irrational. “I did not study because I told myself that it would be so easy I can pass .” There is no need to try and have your children identify all their various irrational Wizard Beliefs but you want them to recognize that they have them and to teach them how to identify and change them.
The next concept introduced in Part One is the idea of an ELF. Someone (or thing or belief) which holds the “Key” to happiness. This is one of the most universal irrational beliefs of mankind. “Since our unhappiness is caused by factors and others outside of ourselves than our happiness is also dependent on factors and people outside of ourselves.”
Humans tend to believe in some type of “Tree of Happiness", (money, position, attractiveness) and search for the “Elf” that will provide the “Key .” It is easy to recognize this in adults but it too begins in childhood even if it is not be as dramatic with children. Their happiness may depend on a certain type of clothes or electric game. Perhaps it is being selected for a team or play. Maybe it is being accepted by the “in crowd” or whatever irrationally is seen as the “means to happiness” by that individual.
Your efforts should be geared toward encouraging an attitude of
“It would be nice but...". This type of thinking accepts the human predisposition to like externally enhanced “happiness” but does
not demand it or see it as imperative for personal happiness. “It would be nice to make the team (the homecoming court, buy something new) but if it does not happen, it is not the end of the world. I can live without it, try again next year, do something else.” This type of self-talk is Coping because it recognizes that we have preferences, desires, likes and so on but that if these are not meant, we will survive.
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