Page 11 - MY BOY CHAZ

Oh, how I wish I were differently put together! I wish I had a life where I would have made it alone. How I wish I had

something to offer you. Something besides the borrowed name of Stevens.

I am so alone now without my Joyselyn. She has been this life's treasure to me. Do not, nor can I imagine where I would
be without her. As I sit here putting these words together, it feels like I am one of the living dead. I have a lot of pain and

sorrow in my life now. I thought myself tough, but nothing like my soulmate, my second element leaving me...dying in my
arms...how could I know that kind of pain?... the helplessness that follows? It is with me every day. Her love and prayers
were my reason for my living. Nothing more here for me. Being unable to have and hold my Joyselyn has brought on a

weakness I cannot describe.

Last three and a half years Joyselyn and I spent our time together 24/7. I would take short trips to the post office or store
and always rushed home to be with her. We loved being at each other's side. Our love ran deep. Even now, I feel her
flowing through my veins.

Pretty mixed up. Up and down so much that my nickname should be Duncan, as in Yo-Yo.

Anyhow, I want to clarify that this is NOT a declaration of suicide. I will pray and learn to adjust to this new life till it is my
time to leave. I just really wanted to say I Love you, Chaz. With all the heart I have left. So immensely blessed to have you

as my Son.

12