Page 145 - REACHING ALWAYS FOR MY SECOND ELEMENT_02

Life will never be the same. Not having this gift of a wife, my Joyselyn, I am without words and no longer have an
identity of who or what is left. Remember having so much interest, and now nothing comes to mind. I have no will to

eat. I lost 38 pounds after my Joyselyn left. Live off coffee, cigarettes, and ice cream. All scent, taste, and smell have left
me—sleepless nights. When I get a little sleep, I’m up at least ten times to use the bathroom. Continuously checking to

see how much blood was in my urine this time. I don’t view myself in the mirror anymore. The last time I looked at my

reflection, I appeared like a starving Holocaust survivor. It comes with age, many say. Who would have guessed that old
age sneaks up so quickly? So much wrong with me, and it seems the only thing that could make it right is getting that

invitation to meet Adonai and pray my Joyselyn’s spirit accompanies Him.

July 4, 2021

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I just realized it’s July 4 , Independence Day. Being without the other half that makes me whole gives this day of
Independence a completely different meaning. No fireworks to display, no bells of freedom to ring. Just an unseen banner of

everlasting love celebrated in this heart. My Independence is so very lonely. Living as a dependent on the life and love of my

Joyselyn was real freedom in my life. How I miss being her Dependent.

My Last Entry

…Well, maybe not. 145