Page 15 - COBH EDITION 7TH DECEMBER DIGITAL VERSION

I was on my own and I didn’t have anyone nearby who could offer a second opinion and I was
beginning to panic, so I just scooped her up, put her in the car and raced off to the doctor. I
was in a hurry to get there before this thing growing in her mouth choked her or invaded her
entire body.
I was waved straight into the surgery because this was a major emergency and I only hoped
that modern medicine could deal with this horror. I laid her down on the bed and she was
looking up at the ceiling, smiling away to herself. She was so brave I thought.

I got out of the way to give the doctor room to carry out a life-saving procedure, but I was
taken aback when he asked me where the obstruction was.
I thought the guy was losing his marbles and I practically elbowed him out of the way to show
him this potentially fatal growth on the child’s pallet. But I couldn’t see anything. Both of us
looked all over her tiny little mouth but there was nothing there.
When I explained to him exactly what I saw, he nodded very sympathetically, because by
then he realised that he was obviously dealing with a complete idiot. It was, he decided, a bit
of phloem that got lodged in the roof of her mouth while she was lying on her back when she
was being changed. Once I lifted her upright, she probably swallowed it and the problem was
solved.
I slinked out of the surgery and drove home with the sun visor down, using the back roads,
in case anybody recognised me. I figured that by now, it was common knowledge that there
was this dopey dad who couldn’t tell the difference between a green baby killing monster and
a harmless bit of phloem.
That’s another reason why I don’t like to visit the doctor’s surgery, it just reminds me of my
shame.