Page 199 - She's One Crazy Lady!

of children – and parents, and Staff in the hall. How could I not have anything to do with them? It was apparent they were pleased to see me and vice-versa – it was just the tonic I needed and the welcome was so, so warm. Why would the LEA not want me to feel uplifted? The Acting Head was not in school that day.
After the cheque presentation I was approached by a Town Councillor who asked if the school choir would sing at one of their forthcoming events. I told the Councillor I was sure it could be arranged but they would need to discuss this with the Acting Head as I wasn’t in charge. I wasn’t so naïve to make such a decision off my own back and thought nothing of it having had such a wonderful couple of hours.
I think the Personnel Officer who visited me had her eyes opened during our meeting. I didn’t hold back and explained how I felt about the lack of concern of the Authority and their interest in me, as the School’s Substantive Head as well as me at a personal level.
I was not prepared for what happened next.
After what was, for the most part a cordial meeting (where I learned that there was no way I could apply for and receive full pay for any longer) the Personnel Officer unexpectedly asked if I had considered taking ill-health retirement? Did I hear right? She seriously thought I was eligible and would be successful if I was to put in an application. Ill-health retirement? Where had this come from? Was this her suggestion or had she been asked to approach me on this? By whom? Was there a hidden agenda lurking? Was I that ill? Did they know something I didn’t? I didn’t respond – not knowing how to. I also didn’t respond when she said she would pop back later in the morning with the necessary forms to complete together with the ‘going rates’ and the figures that would apply to me if I was interested and chose to retire. Did she have any idea what she was saying? Did they think I would instantly agree to this and why the sudden urgency? Retire? True to her word, she returned and asked if I would complete the forms and send them back to her ASAP. I dismissed all thoughts of this. No way. What were they thinking of? Such an idea had never entered my head. I’d just turned 47. I’d just heard from Dr Matthew that he thought I would be signed off until the end of June following radiotherapy – but no mention of being too ill to carry on – that I could consider a return to work, barring any unforeseen circumstances, for the start of the new academic year in September.
It wasn’t until I had the forms in front of me that alarm bells suddenly started to ring – loudly. Alarm bells that were worrying, with the words “early retirement – on the grounds of ill-health” haunting me – for many months to come. Little did anyone know how damaging those words were. Trying to analyse the situation and get my head round the fact that I should even be offered the opportunity to apply for retirement on the grounds of ill-health while I was still undergoing treatment, sent my mind into overdrive, almost over-thinking. Would I really have to give up work? Was my cancer deemed terminal? Could I be dying?
“Trying to analyse the situation
and get my head round
the fact that I should even
be offered the opportunity
to apply for retirement on the grounds
of ill-health while I was still undergoing treatment, sent my mind into overdrive. ”
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