Page 414 - She's One Crazy Lady!

Please don’t“
Dear Marilyn...
“What’s this?” I hear you say. “A letter? – You silly arse! Why on earth are you writing me a letter?”
be shocked –
“I know I did. I’ll come clean Marilyn. Please don’t be shocked – I lied to you.”
“You lied?”
“Yes. It was a lie that I should never have made and I am sorry, but circumstances were such that I felt I had to – you had been asking so many times if I had finished it. I hadn’t, but wanted you to be at peace, believing I had. Whether you believed me, or not, I don’t know but, I tell you, ever since we said our goodbyes I have worked my socks off to finish it – to rectify that lie – and now I am SO close! Had I not thrown all my energies into my writing I doubt if I ever would have finished it. It’s been hard and it’s been lonely not having you close by to bounce ideas and for you to remind me of names and dates – you had a really good memory for things like that – and many is the time I’ve picked the phone up to ring you....
This chapter proved to be a stumbling block. I tried so many times to write what I wanted to say but when reading it back it always came across ‘flat’ and ‘uninteresting’. That’s not how our friendship was, was it? No, our friendship was far from flat and it certainly was interesting! I couldn’t get my words to flow because, in all honesty, I didn’t ever want to write this chapter – this chapter was not part of the plan. I wasn’t ready.
I wasn’t ready for this chapter in our lives.”
“The ‘plan’ of course, amongst many other things, was to get the book finished when you were well so that you, and everyone, could read it – we even talked about its launch and what we’d wear! But then the evil disease, “cancer”, got you again and this time it really was not good. As you went through the traumas of operations, round after round of treatments and numerous other invasive procedures, not to mention the travelling involved, my life – our life – all our lives – were put on hold as we minded and cared for you. You went through so much. I cannot, for one minute, ever begin to understand how you felt – the freedom that was denied you – or imagine the intense pain you must have been in. As a bystander, as a carer, as your friend, it was horrifying – so heaven knows what must have it been like for you!
I never really knew, for you kept a great deal to yourself. I knew you didn’t want to upset or frighten anyone and, of course, you were scared – who wouldn’t be? I knew you were incredibly unhappy but you really were so amazingly brave and so strong to have endured such awfulness for so long. You’ll say you weren’t brave, but you were.
I knew you were angry too. I was angry – we were all angry. There
I lied to yo”
u.
“Let me explain... several times I tried so hard to write the last chapter to my book...”
“Oh, your book? You told me you’d finished it.”
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