Page 206 - down-and-out-in-paris-and-london

when I was with him there had been a case of ‘immoral con-
duct’ in Hyde Park, in which the police had behaved rather
badly. Bozo produced a cartoon of Hyde Park with police-
men concealed in the trees, and the legend, ‘Puzzle, find the
policemen.’ I pointed out to him how much more telling
it would be to put, ‘Puzzle, find the immoral conduct,’ but
Bozo would not hear of it. He said that any policeman who
saw it would move him on, and he would lose his pitch for
good.
Below screevers come the people who sing hymns, or
sell matches, or bootlaces, or envelopes containing a few
grains of lavender—called, euphemistically, perfume. All
these people are frankly beggars, exploiting an appearance
of misery, and none of them takes on an average more than
half a crown a day. The reason why they have to pretend to
sell matches and so forth instead of begging outright is that
this is demanded by the absurd English laws about begging.
As the law now stands, if you approach a stranger and ask
him for twopence, he can call a policeman and get you seven
days for begging. But if you make the air hideous by dron-
ing ‘Nearer, my God, to Thee,’ or scrawl some chalk daubs
on the pavement, or stand about with a tray of matches—in
short, if you make a nuisance of yourself—you are held to be
following a legitimate trade and not begging. Match-selling
and street-singing are simply legalized crimes. Not profit-
able crimes, however; there is not a singer or match-seller in
London who can be sure of 50 pounds a year—a poor return
for standing eighty-four hours a week on the kerb, with the
cars grazing your backside.

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