Page 188 - of-human-bondage-
P. 188

which had fallen from his shoulders, seemed an intolerable
       burden of which he had been eased. The religious exercises
       which for so many years had been forced upon him were
       part and parcel of religion to him. He thought of the collects
       and epistles which he had been made to learn by heart, and
       the long services at the Cathedral through which he had sat
       when every limb itched with the desire for movement; and
       he remembered those walks at night through muddy roads
       to the parish church at Blackstable, and the coldness of that
       bleak building; he sat with his feet like ice, his fingers numb
       and heavy, and all around was the sickly odour of pomatum.
       Oh, he had been so bored! His heart leaped when he saw he
       was free from all that.
          He was surprised at himself because he ceased to believe
       so easily, and, not knowing that he felt as he did on account
       of the subtle workings of his inmost nature, he ascribed the
       certainty he had reached to his own cleverness. He was un-
       duly pleased with himself. With youth’s lack of sympathy for
       an attitude other than its own he despised not a little Weeks
       and Hayward because they were content with the vague emo-
       tion which they called God and would not take the further
       step which to himself seemed so obvious. One day he went
       alone up a certain hill so that he might see a view which, he
       knew not why, filled him always with wild exhilaration. It
       was autumn now, but often the days were cloudless still, and
       then the sky seemed to glow with a more splendid light: it
       was as though nature consciously sought to put a fuller ve-
       hemence into the remaining days of fair weather. He looked
       down upon the plain, a-quiver with the sun, stretching vast-

                                                     1
   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   193