Page 853 - of-human-bondage-
P. 853
severe winter might be too much for the old man. With all
his heart Philip longed for cold and rain. He thought of it
constantly, so that it became a monomania. Uncle William
was affected by the great heat too, and in August they had
three weeks of sweltering weather. Philip imagined to him-
self that one day perhaps a telegram would come saying that
the Vicar had died suddenly, and he pictured to himself his
unutterable relief. As he stood at the top of the stairs and di-
rected people to the departments they wanted, he occupied
his mind with thinking incessantly what he would do with
the money. He did not know how much it would be, perhaps
no more than five hundred pounds, but even that would
be enough. He would leave the shop at once, he would not
bother to give notice, he would pack his box and go with-
out saying a word to anybody; and then he would return to
the hospital. That was the first thing. Would he have forgot-
ten much? In six months he could get it all back, and then
he would take his three examinations as soon as he could,
midwifery first, then medicine and surgery. The awful fear
seized him that his uncle, notwithstanding his promises,
might leave everything he had to the parish or the church.
The thought made Philip sick. He could not be so cruel. But
if that happened Philip was quite determined what to do,
he would not go on in that way indefinitely; his life was only
tolerable because he could look forward to something bet-
ter. If he had no hope he would have no fear. The only brave
thing to do then would be to commit suicide, and, thinking
this over too, Philip decided minutely what painless drug
he would take and how he would get hold of it. It encour-
Of Human Bondage