Page 219 - the-idiot

household was busy and cheerful; she was surrounded by
smiling faces; and then suddenly they are gone, and she is
left alone like a solitary fly ... like a fly, cursed with the bur-
den of her age. At last, God calls her to Himself. At sunset,
on a lovely summer’s evening, my little old woman passes
away—a thought, you will notice, which offers much food
for reflection—and behold! instead of tears and prayers to
start her on her last journey, she has insults and jeers from
a young ensign, who stands before her with his hands in
his pockets, making a terrible row about a soup tureen!’ Of
course I was to blame, and even now that I have time to
look back at it calmly, I pity the poor old thing no less. I
repeat that I wonder at myself, for after all I was not really
responsible. Why did she take it into her head to die at that
moment? But the more I thought of it, the more I felt the
weight of it upon my mind; and I never got quite rid of the
impression until I put a couple of old women into an alms-
house and kept them there at my own expense. There, that’s
all. I repeat I dare say I have committed many a grievous sin
in my day; but I cannot help always looking back upon this
as the worst action I have ever perpetrated.’
‘H’m! and instead of a bad action, your excellency has
detailed one of your noblest deeds,’ said Ferdishenko. ‘Fer-
dishenko is ‘done.’’
‘Dear me, general,’ said Nastasia Philipovna, absently, ‘I
really never imagined you had such a good heart.’
The general laughed with great satisfaction, and applied
himself once more to the champagne.
It was now Totski’s turn, and his story was awaited with

1 The Idiot