Page 616 - women-in-love

seeing her, and yet watching, with finepupilled eyes that
SEEMED to smile, and which were not really smiling.
She started. It took all her courage for her to continue
brushing her hair, as usual, for her to pretend she was at her
ease. She was far, far from being at her ease with him. She
beat her brains wildly for something to say to him.
‘What are your plans for tomorrow?’ she asked noncha-
lantly, whilst her heart was beating so furiously, her eyes
were so bright with strange nervousness, she felt he could
not but observe. But she knew also that he was completely
blind, blind as a wolf looking at her. It was a strange bat-
tle between her ordinary consciousness and his uncanny,
black-art consciousness.
‘I don’t know,’ he replied, ‘what would you like to do?’
He spoke emptily, his mind was sunk away.
‘Oh,’ she said, with easy protestation, ‘I’m ready for any-
thing—anything will be fine for ME, I’m sure.’
And to herself she was saying: ‘God, why am I so ner-
vous—why are you so nervous, you fool. If he sees it I’m
done for forever—you KNOW you’re done for forever, if he
sees the absurd state you’re in.’
And she smiled to herself as if it were all child’s play.
Meanwhile her heart was plunging, she was almost fainting.
She could see him, in the mirror, as he stood there behind
her, tall and over-arching—blond and terribly frightening.
She glanced at his reflection with furtive eyes, willing to give
anything to save him from knowing she could see him. He
did not know she could see his reflection. He was looking
unconsciously, glisteningly down at her head, from which

616 Women in Love