Page 621 - women-in-love
P. 621

strange, false sunshine of hope in life, something seemed to
         snap in her, and a terrible cynicism began to gain upon her,
         blowing in like a wind. Everything turned to irony with her:
         the last flavour of everything was ironical. When she felt her
         pang of undeniable reality, this was when she knew the hard
         irony of hopes and ideas.
            She lay and looked at him, as he slept. He was sheerly
         beautiful, he was a perfect instrument. To her mind, he was
         a pure, inhuman, almost superhuman instrument. His in-
         strumentality appealed so strongly to her, she wished she
         were God, to use him as a tool.
            And  at  the  same  instant,  came  the  ironical  question:
         ‘What  for?’  She  thought  of  the  colliers’  wives,  with  their
         linoleum  and  their  lace  curtains  and  their  little  girls  in
         high-laced boots. She thought of the wives and daughters
         of the pit-managers, their tennis-parties, and their terrible
         struggles to be superior each to the other, in the social scale.
         There was Shortlands with its meaningless distinction, the
         meaningless crowd of the Criches. There was London, the
         House of Commons, the extant social world. My God!
            Young as she was, Gudrun had touched the whole pulse
         of social England. She had no ideas of rising in the world.
         She knew, with the perfect cynicism of cruel youth, that to
         rise in the world meant to have one outside show instead of
         another, the advance was like having a spurious half-crown
         instead of a spurious penny. The whole coinage of valuation
         was spurious. Yet of course, her cynicism knew well enough
         that, in a world where spurious coin was current, a bad sov-
         ereign was better than a bad farthing. But rich and poor, she

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